MP FOR HIRE

DRAMATIS PERSONAE :  

Main: 

Arnold Lythgoe. MP. Ex-Guards Officer.  In his forties (or thereabouts).Caroline, his (first wife).  Wealthy and sophisticated.  Also in her forties (or thereabouts).

Mrs Joan Latham, Chair of (one of) the local Parties.  In her fifties (or thereabouts).

Ibin Khan,  business associate of Lythgoe.  In his forties (or thereabouts).

Andrew Gale, MP, a Chief Whip  About 60 (or 50).

Mrs Annette Winter, mistress of Lythgoe, becomes his second wife.  Wealthy American.  (No need for pronounced accent) Elegant; a little brash.  In her thirties (or thereabouts)

Bernard Miller, PM.  About 50.

Thomas Bushell, MP, Chair of the Select Committee on Members' Interests.  In his fifties or so.

Sir William Thorpe, Attorney-General, early sixties.

Two virtually "walk-on" parts, although they do speak: local Party Secretary (female): Doris; Treasurer, (male): James.

The action is intended to take place over a year or somewhat less.  An approx two week gap between all scenes is presumed except between scenes 1 and 2; 9 to 11; 14 and 15, where 8 weeks would be more realistic, giving a total of some 46 weeks (or under a year).  Clothing, accessories, etc., therefore NEED not be changed, but could be.  As all scenes are indoors any changes in attire could be minimal, perhaps to indicate changing seasons.  Ephemeral items, flowers, fruit, etc., would of course need changing!  (Ages are not sacrosanct.  If the Company has a youngish cast then reduce by ten years the ages of all except Thorpe, Winter and Miller.)

Set a few years ago – say about 1990.

MP FOR HIRE

ACT  1

SCENE 1 

A.M.  INT.  HOME SOMEWHERE OUTSIDE LONDON OF ARNOLD LYTHGOE, MP AND HIS WIFE, CAROLINE.  JUDGING FROM THE ROOM, THE TWO ARE COMFORTABLY OFF.  ARNOLD IS SEATED AT A TABLE WITH PAPERS SPREAD OUT IN FRONT OF HIM.  HIS WIFE IS IN AN ACMCHAIR, READING THE NEWSPAPER.

ARNOLD:  Caroline .. about this consultancy company

                       (LOOKING UP FROM HIS PAPERS)

CAROLINE:  Yes? 

ARNOLD:  It'd mean I wouldn't have to declare the identity of my clients when making a speech in the House of Commons. 

CAROLINE:  Sounds a good move to me, Arnold.  You've been thinking a bit more about it? 

ARNOLD:  The more I think about it, the better it seems.  With your financial backing we can make it a joint venture.  It'll all come back ten-fold in time. 

CAROLINE:  I know – you mentioned. How much? 

ARNOLD:  About £40.000…setting up expenses. 

CAROLINE:  That all?  (SARCASTICALLY).  Haven't you got enough stashed away? 

ARNOLD:  Yes, but if it's to be in both names… 

CAROLINE:  All right.  HOW MUCH will I own?  What's in it for me…personally? 

ARNOLD:  Apart from the extra business…saying I take all the risks… 

CAROLINE:  Well? 

ARNOLD:  Initially, you would have…say…30% of the shares – reflecting your financial input…and my expertise (GRINS) in running it… and… 

CAROLINE (INTERRUPTING):  And you would have 70%! 

ARNOLD:  It's only meant to be a loan anyway, Caroline.  It'll by paid back once the thing is up and running.  In any case it's me who has the contacts – especially in the Middle East, where I expect a lot of business to come from. 

CAROLINE:  Thought of a name? 

ARNOLD:  What about Phoenix Dawn?  Highly symbolic, don't you think? 

CAROLINE:  Where do you intend to run the company from?  Whatever it's called.  I mean the HQ?  Office.  Got to have a physical base. 

ARNOLD:  I thought here…with some alterations of course. 

CAROLINE:  What! 

ARNOLD:  Furniture mainly, I meant.  Could convert the garage, for example…into an office.  Use one of the main rooms as reception cum conference…to receive clients etc. 

CAROLINE:  It's, my house, don't forget. 

ARNOLD:  It's still more than big enough for the two of us.  All the machinery, computers, fax facilities and so on would go into the garage…it's large enough.  We'd need to employ the secretary full-time of course. 

CAROLINE:  Park the cars outside? 

ARNOLD:  For the time being…until we have another built. 

CAROLINE:  (GOES TO THE DRINKS CABINET.  POURS ONE FOR HERSELF.)  Want one? 

ARNOLD:  Why not?  Agreed then? 

CAROLINE:  (POURS ANOTHER AND HANDS IT TO HER HUSBAND, STILL SEATED AT THE DESK/TABLE)  Not so sure yet, Arnold.  Need to think about it all some more. 

ARNOLD:  (LAUGHINGLY)  Well, don't take TOO long! 

CAROLINE:  I'm not convinced it's such a good move, Arnold.  Not to put so much time and energy…and money…into it.  Aren't you, we, doing well enough as it is?  (STILL STANDING) 

ARNOLD:  True – no shortage of consultancies.  Nice little earners, as they say.  But I gave up the Saudi company expressly so I'd have more time to devote to my own affairs.  Phoenix Dawn would be the recompense.  You realise this. 

CAROLINE:  But using my house…sorry, our home, as a front.  Not so sure about this.  I presume I'd be meeting most of the running expenses – at least, initially?  (SHE RESUMES HER SEAT) 

ARNOLD:  Just to begin with, Caroline.

CAROLINE:  In effect, you'd be the Managing Director, with the majority shareholding. 

ARNOLD:  Yes, but no-one would ever know about that…or the true nature of our company.  You can't lose.  Regard it as an investment.  With my connections and, dare I say it, (GRINS AGAIN) standing, we… 

CAROLINE:  I can see the point, Arnold.  It's the principle I'm not sure of. 

ARNOLD:  (STANDING UP) Bit late to mention that subject, Caroline.  You knew when you married me how I operated.  It's not as if I'm unique.  Nearly all MPs…at least on my side of the Chamber…have consultancies, retainers, and so on.  Most double their parliamentary salaries.  Why should I be any different?  (WALKS ABOUT IN AGITATION)  Not as if we're…MPs I mean…doing anything wrong.  Big business values our advice.  They come to us…mostly, anyhow.  We give them help and they show their appreciation in mind.  Seems fair to me. 

CAROLINE:  Agreed, it's good business, Arnold.  But is it ethical? 

ARNOLD:  What people do not know won't hurt them.  As long as we're in the House as often as we can and listen to our constituents, where's the harm? 

CAROLINE:  You devote more and more of your time and energies to these outside interests, Arnold.  (MOVES BEHIND A'S VACATED DESK)  Look at all these papers (INDICATING) nearly all with foreign connections, judging from the letter headings. 

ARNOLD:    (RUSHING BACK TO HIS SEAT)  Leave them alone!  My Parliamentary correspondence is private!  (CALMS DOWN)  I just happen to be working on these papers…they're not all I've got.  Besides you have not been averse to sharing in the proceeds…proceeds…this type of work has… 

CAROLINE:  Brought in…you were going to say?  I know.  But I didn't really need it.  YOU might have done. 

ARNOLD:  I did, especially at the beginning…before I met you, Caroline. 

CAROLINE:  (PUTS HER ARMS ROUND HIS SHOULDERS)  Of course I'll help you, Arnold darling. 

ARNOLD:  Well, what are we arguing about?  It's just that I don't see why anyone has a right to know my private business. 

CAROLINE:  (GIVES HIM A KISS ON THE CHEEK)  Quite right too.  It IS personal. 

ARNOLD:  Having contacts in the business world makes me a better MP.  It's the real world.  No good existing in an ivory tower. 

(THE PHONE RINGS,  A. GOES TO ANSWER IT)  Hello.  Lythgoe here.   (CAROLINE POURS HERSELF ANOTHER DRINK: REMAINS STANDING—OTHER END OF THE ROOM) 

ARNOLD:  Certainly I'm interested.  Forthcoming privatisation – love it!  Like a goldmine.  I'll put in a good word at the right time.  Leave it to me.  (LISTENS A MOMENT:  CAROLINE RESUMES HER SEAT AND HER NEWSPAPER, THE TIMES)  (A. COVERS THE MOUTHPIECE)  Caroline, can you hear?  (SPEAKS INTO THE PHONE)  Details in a fax shortly, you said.  Remuneration…and a retainer.  OK.  I'll await the fax.  Thanks for calling.  (REPLACES THE RECEIVER)  Caroline, hear that? 

CAROLINE:  Got the gist of it.  Somebody else who wants your services? 

ARNOLD:  A rail consortium…hoping to get the contract for the rail link, accessories and so on.    In this area competition is tight.  They would value my services…anything I could do.  (GLEEFULLY)  Details to come through any time now  (NODDING TOWARDS THE FAX MACHINE)  Meanwhile… 

CAROLINE:  They could be the first clients of your, our, new company. 

ARNOLD:  Sure of it.  (LOOKS AT SOME PAPERS ON DESK)  Caroline, see this.  Exactly what I mean.  (CAROLINE RISES AND MAKES TO COME OVER)  (A, HOLDS OUT A SHEET OF NOTEPAPER)  Says here to contact them… (DURING THIS LAST 'SENTENCE' SOUND OF THE FAX IS HEARD) 

(C.   TAKES THE PROFERRED SHEET, STANDS AND READS, WHILE A. WAITS FOR THE FAX TO DELIVER) 

ARNOLD:  Listen to this, Caroline.  "Your record outstanding in these matters…high regard…as you know, we…'and so on'…would be appreciative of any efforts you could make on our behalf, speeches drawing attention to our interests in the project, approaching colleagues, asking pertinent questions,…raising our profile in Parliament.  Any inside information you could provide…facts and figures…The commercial consultancy would rate a £6,000 down payment in the first year…We can also offer you a retainer of £3,000 a year for the duration of settlement of the contract, and this figure could be relied on in the event of future business…"  (HE SMILES BROADLY)  I need to fax a reply…with some alacrity! 

CAROLINE:  Can we expect a visit then? 

ARNOLD:  Yes, in the next few days.  Here of course, as usual!  Lobbists only in the Corridors of power.  But clients…here!  (HE LAUGHS) 

CAROLINE:  A Board member? 

ARNOLD:  Probably hear by phone within next day or two.  We can mention the new company.  Will help to reassure them that no inkling of the business will ever be divulged publicly. 

CAROLINE:  Hope so anyway;  Don't think you're overreaching yourself, Arnold?  Wouldn't want it to come out that I was involved in the deception. 

ARNOLD:  But you are, dear!  Another good reason for you to be very much a minority shareholder.  But it never will. 

CAROLINE:  Going to fax back now? 

(ARNOLD GOES TO THE FAX MACHINE.  WRITES A BRIEF ACCEPTANCE LETTER, WHILE HIS WIFE SEARCHES OUT A COPY FROM A BOOKCASE OF 'DEBRETT'S DISTINGUISHED PEOPLE OF TODAY' – OSTENSIBLY, AT LEAST.) 

CAROLINE:  What did you say was the chairman of the company's name? 

ARNOLD (MOMENTARILY PAUSING)  I didn't.  But it's Lord Lang…an ex party big wig.  I know OF him, that's all. 

CAROLINE:  He's mentioned here…in 'Distinguished People'.  Interesting.  Seems he's, or the firm's, a big contributor to party funds. 

ARNOLD:  Naturally!  I'd like to look at it.  (SENDS THE FAX)  That's done.  We'll need to get headed paper now.  Personal or Commons is not always appropriate…but it can have its uses.  (SMILES).  Might as well make use of our new company  (MOMENTARY PAUSE.  A. THROWS A GLANCE AT THIS WIFE)  Seems one of the big banks could do with an experienced lobbyist – or so I've gathered…..don't like that word!  'Publicist'…that's better, don't you think, darling? (LAUGHINGLY) 

CAROLINE:  Isn't it a case of a rose by any other name?  Still a bit duplicitous… 

ARNOLD:  Forget it!  In for a penny…you know what they say.  (RETURNS TO HIS DESK.)  Look up the HQ address of the Barton Bank for me, will you, Caroline?  Nothing like striking while the iron's hot.  How's this sound – 'services I could provide'?  The message would be that effectively I was for hire…but not in so many words! 

CAROLINE:  I'll leave the wording to you – you always have been good at such things. 

FADE OUT

SCENE 2

INT.  AM.  HOUSE OF COMMONS.  OFFICE OF THE CHIEF WHIP.  DESK IN CENTRE, BACK, PAPER STREWN.  ARMCHAIRS TO EACH SIDE, NEARER THE FRONT.  ONE OCCUPIED BY THE CHIEF WHIP, ANDREW GALE AND THE OTHER BY LYTHGOE.  BOTH HAVE DRINKS IN THEIR HANDS. BOTH ARE TENSE. 

GALE:  But what about the Register of Members' Interests?  What do you think it's there for? 

LYTHGOE:  (SOMEWHAT INCENSED)  We all know it's a sham…a sop to the public!  Nobody declares everything and what is declared is misleading…lacking the detail which WOULD mean something. 

GALE:  It's people like you who make it worthless…and by hiding behind bland statements impugn the honesty of Parliament.

(LYTHGOE IS TOO ANGRY TO REPLY STRAIGHTAWAY.  GIVES GALE TIME TO CARRY ON)  Sorry, Arnold; don't want to quarrel with you but I must speak bluntly.  I'm in a way echoing sentiments expressed by people on both sides of the House.  That's why we're having this meeting. 

LYTHGOE:  Inquisition, I prefer to call it.  It's outrageous.  Who…what have they been saying? 

GALE:  Well, the belief is that matters you should have mentioned you haven't and that you have not declared interest when speaking on the floor of the House.  Mainly the latter.  It seems you have acquired quite a plethora of consultancies, especially foreign ones.  You know the House frowns on these particularly. 

LYTHGOE:  No more than many other MPs have done.  Andrew.  I have not neglected my constituency work. 

GALE:  Well that's a problem too, Arnold.  We have been receiving letters recently from some of your constituents, who feel disgruntled at your performance as the sitting MP, saying that they don't see as much of you as they would like… 

LYTHGOE:  (INTERRUPTING)  Who does?  There'll always be the awkward squad.  Can't keep everybody happy – you know that. 

GALE:  Not the point, Arnold.  The point is that people, constituents, MPs, are beginning to talk.  And the main issue is your not declaring an interest on occasions in the House when the debate has been on matters which concern you via your commercial ties.  You have to realise that a successful man like you may have enemies…people who wish to stab you in the back.  You are a loyal MP, Arnold, we recognise that – but that is not enough.  You have also got to be seen abiding by the rules. 

LYTHGOE:  Rules?  What rules?  They are a farce and are so full of loopholes…deliberately so…that one can virtually do as one likes!  Besides my affairs are my own and no-one else's concern as long as they don't interfere with my Parliamentary duties.  Offences have, as you know, to be committed within the walls "Intra mural" to be reprehensible.  As one of our former colleagues said to an "investigative journalist" (so called) "My commercial enterprises are no concern of yours and are between myself and the taxman" – or words to this effect.  This sums up my feeling exactly. 

GALE:  True, up to an extent, Arnold.  But when your extra-mural business creates offence, almost scandal in the House, even you must recognise there should be a limit…a threshold over which you should not step.  However, we may be wandering from the main point. 

LYTHGOE:  Namely? 

GALE:  (HE RISES TO HIS FEET)  Another?  (BRANDISHING THE EMPTY GLASS) 

LYTHGOE:  Might as well.  I can see it's going to be a long session. 

GALE:  I hope not.  (TAKES L's GLASS).  Provided you listen to reason.  (STRIDING OVER TO THE DRINKS TABLE AND REPLENISHING BOTH GLASSES)  G. REMAINS STANDING.  L ACCEPTS THE GLASS AND REMAINS SEATED.)

LYTHGOE:  YOUR reason, I presume. 

GALE:  For example, some of your Middle East businesses – you have kept them up, acting as adviser to them?  But not mentioning the fact whenever you spoke…on their behalf of course.  This is only one of many undeclared interests that have come to the notice of Members. 

LYTHGOE:  The fact is I honestly thought I didn't have to mention these, that they didn't come within the rules.  My associations with overseas businesses were always tempered by my seeking for what was best for Britain.  If I am guilty of anything it is of putting my country first…seeking what was in her interests…Throughout, my actions have been patriotic…my motivating factor. 

GALE:  Nice speech, Arnold, but it won't wash.  You knew very well what you were…are…doing is wrong – contrary at least to the spirit of the House 

LYTHGOE:  I cannot disclose clients of my company, Andrew.  YOU know that.  Besides… 

GALE:  So you have set up a company now, have you?  No doubt a consultancy…and no doubt to try and pull more wool over more eyes!  (HE RESUMES HIS CHAIR) 

LYTHGOE:  No.  (STRUGGLES TO KEEP HIS TEMPER)  Quite the contrary.  To make everything legal and above board.  My clients feel happier. 

GALE:  (LEAVES HIS CHAIR AND GOES OVER TO HIS DESK WHERE HE PICKS UP A SHEET OF PAPER.)  You could call this a dossier, if you want.  It gives, probably only SOME of your undisclosed commercial interests.  Correct me if I am wrong.  Under the heading 'Clients' we read:  inter alia, oil companies, foreign banks, a giant American international group, road and rail building firms…no need to go on, I'm sure.  You don't deny these of course. 

LYTHGOE:  Don't believe everything you're told.  I wonder who your informants are.  It's possible to hazard a guess though! 

GALE:  Hansard shows that over the years you have lobbied in the Chamber…overwhelmingly for enterprises in which you have an interest and most of the questions you have asked have involved these enterprises – in a tendentious manner – obviously with the aim of influencing members, especially Members of the Cabinet. 

LYTHGOE:  Well, the record shows this.  What I do deny is that there was ever any intention on my part to influence the House – only against courses of action which I believed were not in the country's best interests.  Now you have spelt it out, I can see the House thinks it would be helpful to declare. 

GALE:  I must tell you also that the Leader of the House has, bowing to pressure, recommended your suspension from the House for a month with concomitant loss of pay.  You were not in the Chamber when this was voted on and decided.  This decision is to be operative immediately. 

LYTHGOE:  (INCENSED)  And we are supposed to be the legislators of British justice!  Judge and jury in your own cause.  It's no more than trial by hearsay.  (JUMPS TO HIS FEET)  I'll fight this to the bitter end.  I hope you've got the backing of the PM…and good lawyers!  Can't believe it! 

GALE:  I thought it might also be to your advantage, Arnold, to hear what the Chair of the Select Committee on Members' Interests has to say to you…in private, as it were.

(LYTHGOE STANDS BEHIND HIS CHAIR, LEANING ON THE CHAIR BACK, HANDS CLENCHED)

(GALE GOES TO DOOR, OPENS IT AND CALLS OUT AS IF DOWN A CORRIDOR)  Tom, can you come in now, please? 

GALE:  (AS TOM BUSHELL ENTERS)  You know each other of course? 

BUSHELL:  Hello!  (SMILES)  (NO UTTERANCE FROM LYTHGOE, ONLY A BLACK LOOK OR SOMETHING SIMILAR.  NO ATTEMPT AT HANDSHAKE BY EITHER MAN) 

GALE:  Thanks for waiting so long. 

LYTHGOE:  Foreman of the jury I presume?  (SARCASM) 

GALE:  Just listen, Arnold.  He's here to help. 

LYTHGOE:  Like you?  (HAVING GOT THIS BARB OFF HIS CHEST LYTHGOE RELAXES SOMEWHAT AND STANDS BESIDE HIS CHAIR, ARMS FOLDED) 

BUSHELL:  We're both, trying to help, Arnold.  (SITS ON EDGE OF GALE'S DESK)  As you’re aware, the Select Committee is going to meet shortly to investigate the question of the abuse of members' interests, particularly the non-declaration of interests when speaking in the House.

(GALE RESUMES HIS SEAT AND LYTHGOE REMAINS STANDING) 

LYTHGOE:  So?  (DEFIANTLY) 

BUSHELL:  You are going to be called to give evidence.  In fact, you will be one of the key witnesses.  Your commercial activities will be put under the microscope.  Some of the people on the Committee believe you are abusing your position as an MP – and cashing in…literally…on your status AS an MP.  They think much of your business, shall we call it, in fact, arises solely from your being a Member of Parliament and therefore in a privileged position of influence.  This will be the tenor of the questioning. 

GALE:  Arnold…forgive me for butting in, Tom…you realise you are not the only one the Committee wishes to question? 

LYTHGOE:  But the MAIN one to be interrogated! 

BUSHELL:  You know the way the Committee works, Arnold.  At least by repute…I don't think you have ever had time to serve on one (SARCASTICALLY) Evidence and statements, that's all we want.  Truthful statements. 

LYTHGOE:  Calling me a liar now, eh, Bushell.  It would be in keeping with attitudes on the Opposition benches. 

GALE:  No need to get carried away, Arnold.  Forgive me if I put words in your mouth, Tom…but Tom feels that forearmed is forewarned.  He doesn’t want to see a good MP humbled, no more than I, and has come here today out of altruistic motives…and… 

LYTHGOE:  Don't give me that bull, Andrew.  I'm leaving.  Carry on with the good work!  (L. STRIDES OUT OF THE ROOM AND DELIVERS A PARTING SHOT AS HE GOES THROUGH THE DOOR)

I'll take legal advice on all this…watch your backs.  (FURIOUS) 

GALE:  Didn't expect it to go smoothly, Tom. 

BUSHELL:  Quite an excitable fellow beneath that suave exterior.

(SITS DOWN IN THE ARMCHAIR VACATED BY LYTHGOE) 

GALE:  Always misunderstood.  Never does anything wrong…so he would have us believe. 

BUSHELL:  In a way you can understand his irritation…shall I say anger?  We've all had our freebies and so on in the past, let's be candid.  You and I have got our so-called consultancies at the present moment…especially, I have to say, trying not to make a political point…on your side of the House! 

GALE:  The difference is that we declare them. 

BUSHELL:  Of course.  And this is what the inquiry is all about.  Deliberate attempts to mislead Parliament. 

GALE:  I don't think the suspension is going to change him. 

BUSHELL (RISING AND MAKING FOR THE DRINKS)  May I? 

GALE:  Help yourself.  Take mine while you're there. 

BUSHELL:  (REPLENISHES BOTH BUT REMAINS STANDING)

You know of course that our MPs want Lythgoe's resignation? 

GALE:  No, I didn't.  I can't say I am surprised though.  Is there enough concrete evidence?…for this action, I mean.  I appreciate there is plenty for the Select Committee to delve into. 

BUSHELL:  More than enough will be dredged up…at least by OUR MPs I am sure.  (SMILINGLY)  Lythgoe is disliked…as a person…by our side of the House, and I suspect by many as well!  He's seen as insufferable and arrogant. 

GALE:  Could be a very good Member if it were not for his …greed, I think that's the right word.  He's lively and prominent…sometimes I do admit for the wrong reasons. 

BUSHELL:  We could never force his resignation without the backing of a goodly proportion of MPs, of course. 

GALE:  Many of us might think he deserved it, but with our small majority…The last thing we would want now is a by-election which we might lose.  The Prime Minister would definitely not want it.  No, I don't see it happening.  (FADE OUT OF LIGHTING)      

SCENE 3 

AFT. INT.  A.L. WITH HIS MISTRESS, MRS ANNETTE WINTER, AT HER HOUSE.  CLEARLY WELL OFF JUDGING BY THE ROOM AND HER STYLISH ATTIRE.  BOTH SITTING ON A SETTEE:  OPPOSITE ENDS.  ARNOLD HAS SOME PAPERS ON HIS KNEE AND IN HIS HAND.  ANNETTE IS CURLED UP COMFORTABLY SHOWING ELEGANTLY STOCKINGED LEGS.  ONE ARM RESTING ON THE BACK.  A REVEALING TOP OR DRESS WOULD NOT COME AMISS.  A COFFEE TABLE WITHIN ARM'S REACH (OF ANNETTE) ON WHICH STANDS A CUP OF COFFEE WHICH ANNETTE DRINKS FROM TIME TO TIME) 

ANNETTE:  What are you missing today, Arnold?  (SMILINGLY) 

ARNOLD:  Oh, only some dreary debate on the EEC… or related.  Nothing vital.  I won't be the only one missing! 

ANNETTE:  No whip out, I presume? 

ARNOLD:  Couldn't be here, darling, otherwise. Know which I prefer! 

ANNETTE:  You've got some interesting news?  Those papers? 

ARNOLD:  A lot has happened in the last couple of weeks I've not been able to see you. 

ANNETTE:  You can say that again! Seems longer.  I'm not practising to be a nun or something, you know, Arnold.  (HUMOROUSLY) 

ARNOLD:  I could never imagine that, Annette.  I think that's the last thing you would become.  Why don't I come closer?  Don't like this gap.  (MOCK PETULANCE) 

ANNETTE:  You've lost the habit in the last week or so!  (THEY SIT CLOSER TOGETHER;  ARNOLD PUTS HIS ARM ROUND HER WHILE LOOKING AT SOME OF HIS PAPERS) 

ANNETTE:  Well, what's the revelations? 

ARNOLD:  Quite a round of activity.  More consultancies and in some cases retainers! 

ANNETTE:  Lucrative? 

ARNOLD:  I should say so.  I've even expanded my Middle East connections…got more business there…placed on the Board – for a consideration, of course, of a private clinic here in London which is funded by a Middle East country.  And look at this…(SHOWS A PAPER) a giant American international group wants to offer me a consultancy.  (FLOURISHES SOME HEADED PAPER) I was also contacted…only a few days ago…by a road construction consortium asking for my advice…willing to pay for any services I could render.  Want to see their fax?  (EXCITEDLY FOR THE SUAVE LYTHGOE)  (ANNETTE TAKES SOME OF THE PAPERS, SCRUTINISES THEM, HANDS THEM BACK EXCEPT ONE) 

ANNETTE:  What's this one?  With the Bank crest? 

ARNOLD:  The reply to my letter to them…offering my services for a quid pro quo.  They were delighted to hear from me…as you read in their reply.  I am due a substantial fee – and a retainer for future services. 

ANNETTE: All helps with the expenses! 

ARNOLD:   What expenses?  Mostly got those as well!  What they will do is boost our bank balances when we do decide to take the plunge…set up home together as Mr and Mrs Lythgoe.  Like the sound of that, darling? 

ANNETTE:  We can sell this place…and…and get something ever grander – like the mansions some of your colleagues live in. 

ARNOLD:  Just one fly in the ointment at present, Annette.  Had a meeting with the Chief Whip.  About declaring my interests. 

ANNETTE:  Not serious, I hope.  I mean, not fatally so? 

ARNOLD:  Well, it seems I have been suspended in absentia without pay for a month, so it's serious enough.  It'll be all right.  Fortunately, that consultancy company…I set it up at last so I need never declare my clients…and of course I won't mention IT in the Chamber! 

ANNETTE:  So it'll all blow over, darling, won't it? 

ARNOLD:  I expect it'll be a nine day wonder. 

ANNETTE:  Talking about days…you've not forgotten it's the maid's day off?  (SMILINGLY BUT MEANINGLY 

ARNOLD:  Of course not, darling.  Just as if! (LAUGHINGLY) Can I have a drink first?  Got some Canada Dry to go with the usual whisky?  (GETS A DRINK: REMAINS STANDING NEAR THE DRINKS TABLE,  BEHIND ANNETTE)

There's only one other thing to mention.  It seems as if I have to appear before the Select Committee…you know the one…Members' Interests. 

ANNETTE:  Is anything of importance…personal, I mean…likely to come out? 

ARNOLD:  Nothing of any consequence.  I shall blandly protest I acted in ignorance, or good faith and simply deny any charge of wrongdoing.  If I am driven into a corner, I shall apologise there and then and promise to say I'm sorry later to the House.  (SARCASTICALLY)  What a farce!  Most of the Committee have commercial interests, shall we call them, anyhow! They have got to be hypocrites themselves.  I simply don't believe everybody is declaring everything.

ANNETTE:  Let's forget all this for now, Arnold.  Surely we've got better things to do with our time! 

ARNOLD:  Certainly have, darling. (MOVES OVER TO THE SETTEE AND PULLS HER TO HER FEET, GIVING HER AN ENTHUSIASTIC KISS AS HIS ARMS ENVELOPE HER). 

(THEY WALK OUT THROUGH A DOOR, ARMS AROUND EACH OTHER.) 

(FADE OUT AND CURTAIN FALL.  CURTAIN RISES ON THE SAME SCENE AS BEFORE.  THE LOVERS ENTER THROUGH SAME DOOR AS THEY WENT, NOT AS FULLY DRESSED E.G. ARNOLD WITHOUT HIS JACKET AND TIE, LOOKING A BIT MUSSED:  CAROLINE IN SAY A DRESSING GOWN AND SLIPPERS – NO STOCKINGS?  NOT MUCH LIPSTICK.  IN FACT, THEY BOTH LOOK AS IF THEY HAVE BEEN MAKING LOVE) 

ANNETTE:  Arnold, darling.  You don't have to rush off now, do you?  (EMERGING FROM THE ROOM) 

ARNOLD:  Not really.  Caroline will never know how long the debate went on.  (HUMOROUSLY) 

ANNETTE:  And will never know how good our session was!  The time lapse certainly has not dampened your ardour, Arnold.  (TAKING A SEAT CLOSE TO EACH OTHER ON THE SETTEE) 

ARNOLD:  Well you know what they say about absence… 

ANNETTE:  Same about abstinence?  (LAUGHINGLY)

When will I see you again, Arnold?  Within the week I hope, this time. 

ARNOLD:  Should be back to normal now.  In fact, because of my suspension I'll have more time to see you.  I don't intend to tell Caroline the whole story. 

ANNETTE:  I hope you won't spend more time with your…paymasters – sorry!  But I do sometimes think of them this way, Arnold. 

ARNOLD:  Not very complimentary, Annette.  You've used that term before.  I wish you wouldn't. 

ANNETTE:   You lobby for them, ask questions and all that in return for freebies or cash.  (PETULANTLY)  Aren't they paymasters…additional ones to the public purse?  (SLIGHTLY ANGERED)

(ARNOLD GOES INTO 'THE OTHER ROOM' AND EMERGES WITH HIS JACKET AND TIE.) 

ARNOLD:  If this is how you're going to talk, there's no point my staying.  (REMAINS STANDING) 

ANNETTE:  Don't rush off, Arnold.  It's just that I begrudge all the time you seem to spend with your 'Contacts'…is this a better word?  I suppose I am jealous of everything…of your business interests, of your wife… (ALMOST TEARFUL) 

ARNOLD:  (INTERRUPTING)  Annette!  Stop it.  (THROWS DOWN HIS JACKET AND TIE ON A CHAIR)  No need for this.  You have no need to be jealous of anything.  I love YOU.  It's you I want to share my life with.  (PICKS UP JACKET ETC., AND BEGINS TO PUT IT ON – AND HIS TIE.  ANNETTE PUTS HER ARMS ROUND HIM AND HOLDS HIM CLOSE)  Ready for another session?  I will be if you don't stop (LAUGHS).  (SHE STOPS)  I will have to go now, darling.  Got a 'business' appointment in the house I share with Caroline (SARDONICALLY).  Board member of the transport company I was telling you about.  On the other subject, I expect things to come to a head soon…when I provoke matters with Caroline and admit my love affair…without naming any names, of course. 

ANNETTE:  I love you.  See you in a few days.  Give me a ring.  (ARNOLD LEAVES; ANNETTE WALKS INTO THE BEDROOM.) 

SCENE 4 

AFTERNOON.  INT.  SCENE TAKES PLACE IN ONE OF THE BARS OF A PLUSH LONDON HOTEL, AFTER A BUFFET RECEPTION FOR POLITICAL AND BUSINESS NOTABLES.  SEATED AT A TABLE ARE LYGHGOE AND IBIN KHAN,  (NO NEED FOR AN OBVIOUS FOREIGN ACCENT:  JUST A HINT WILL DO – EDUCATED IN ENGLAND).  HE IS A FIXER OF DEALS AND A MIDDLE MAN BETWEEN FOREIGN BIG BUSINESSES AND USEFUL POLITICAL CONTACTS.  BAR IN THE BACKGROUND (SHOULD BE NO NEED TO SHOW A BARPERSON), OR INDEED OTHER PEOPLE.  WITH A SPOTLIGHT ON THE TWO PROTAGONISTS ONLY.  THERE ARE DRINKS ON THE TABLE.  AND AN UNOPENED ENVELOPE, WITH LYTHGOE'S NAME ON IT. 

KHAN:  Thank you for your help – much obliged.  I think it went very well. 

LYTHGOE:  These public relations people nowadays know the score:  places to choose: people to invite and so on.  It was money well spent. 

KHAN:  Even so, it would not have been so successful without your aid. 

LYTHGOE:  The buffet was a good idea.  Allows one to circulate.  I knew the politicians and several of the businessmen…couldn't go wrong. 

KHAN:  What is it you say…?  A word in the right ear?  Those Cabinet Ministers…Dowe and Tomlinson…Foreign Secretary and the President of the Board of Trade?  At least I spoke to them…you never know when… 

LYTHGOE:  (INTERRUPTING)  And other MPs as well, don't forget.  They're all voting fodder.  Could be on Select or Standing Committees. 

KHAN:  Not sure about these Committees.  Can you explain?  Have another first?  GOES TO BAR (IN DARKNESS, FOR THEATRICAL PURPOSES) RETURNS WITH DRINKS.  WHILE HE IS AWAY, LYTHGOE OPENS THE ENVELOPE AND GLANCES THROUGH A LETTER INSIDE.) 

LYTHGOE:  (INDICATES THE LETTER)  From a Middle East oil company, I see.  One of your contacts? 

KHAN:  Thought you might be interested.  Are you?  (PAUSE WHILE L. FORMULATES A REPLY)  They knew I would be meeting you. 

LYTHGOE:  Of course!  Who wouldn't be? 

KHAN:  The main thing they would like as soon as possible is a report for them on the feasibility of expansion at the moment in the UK, useful strategies, people to lobby, contacts to make and so on, and especially what you can do at the sharp political end in this country…an influential MP,… 

LYTHGOE:…And hopefully having access to confidential material…either personally or through 'friends' say we call them…in high places? 

KHAN:  Exactly! 

LYTHGOE:  I'm your man.  Tell them I am interested and will get to work on this report at once.  I'll contact them myself later.  I presume it would be better to give you time to let your people know of your success? (KNOWING GRIN) 

KHAN:  Yes, it would.  Thanks.  But about these Committees?  Can you tell… 

LYTHGOE:  Two kinds.  Select and Standing.  Lots of the former looking into matters of concern at the moment…Standing Committees are more long term things, scrutinising Bills clause by clause – that sort of thing.  The Selects examine finance for instance.  The Public Accounts Committee is very important.  So is the Select on Members' Interests which I am going to face soon! 

KHAN:  Who are the members of these? 

LYTHGOE:  Members are cross party and chosen by another committee! – a Committee of Selection guided by the Whips. 

KHAN:  So these two types of committee have influence…access to papers and documents denied to other people? 

LYTHGOE:  And can demand statements from witnesses, people questioned. 

KHAN:  It would be useful to know who these people are therefore? 

LYTHGOE:  Certainly would.   

KHAN:  Did you know I had set up my own consultancy company?  A front of course…like yours!…as a cover for my work as an 'investment adviser'…good title, don't you think?  I describe myself as merely a 'consultant' to it!  (LAUGHS) 

LYTHGOE:  To my 'friends' and acquaintances I am on the contrary known as a sort of managing director.  More up front don't YOU think?  All right as long as I don't declare my majority shareholding. 

KHAN:  All right as long as you can get away with it.  No risks? 

LYTHGOE:  There are always risks in any enterprise. 

(AT THIS JUNCTURE, LYTHGOE'S WIFE, CAROLINE, COMES IN, OUT OF THE DARKNESS AS IT WERE, INTO THE CIRCLE OF LIGHT SURROUNDING THE TABLE) 

LYTHGOE:  Caroline!  What are you doing here?  Take a seat. 

CAROLINE: Excuse me (SPOKEN TO KHAN MAINLY) Arnold, I was hoping you'd still be here.  (A BIT BREATHLESS)   I thought I'd better come now…before you go back to the House.  Is it all right to talk?  (MEANING KHAN) 

LYTHGOE:  Ibin is a close business friend.  Ibin…my wife.  Caroline, meet Ibin.  I have known Ibin quite some time.  Go ahead.  Can I get you a drink first? 

CAROLINE:  A gin and tonic would do fine.  (WHILE LYTHGOE IS GETTING THE DRINK, CAROLINE TALKS TO IBIN) 

CAROLINE:  I've heard Arnold talk of you.  Pleased to meet you. 

KHAN:  The pleasure is all mine, Mrs Lythgoe.  Arnold is doing very well…in large measure due to you, I gather. 

CAROLINE:  I wouldn't entirely agree with that, Mr. Khan.  Arnold is a free agent…in the comm….political world, at least (LAUGHS RESTRAINEDLY)

(HER HUSBAND RETURNS WITH THE DRINK AND RESUMES HIS SEAT) 

LYTHGOE:  Well, what's so important? 

CAROLINE:  I got a ring from the PM's Office, Arnold.  He wants to speak to you…as soon as possible.  Sounded as though it was important.  He obviously knew you were not in the Chamber and knew you were not involved in any committees – official ones!  I thought it better…before you went back to the House for the evening session…or even didn't go at all, maybe. 

LYTHGOE:  Thanks for telling me.  I think I know what it's about.

(CAROLINE TAKES SEVERAL SIPS OF HER DRINK) 

LYTHGOE:  No need to rush it, darling.  Nothing you shouldn't hear.  Ibin and I were just talking business, that's all. 

KHAN:  Are you sure?  Perhaps I'd better go…and let you two talk more. 

LYTHGOE:  Wouldn't hear of it.  You don't mind do you dear?  Not every day I see Ibin.  (CAROLINE SHAKES HER HEAD) 

CAROLINE:  Carry on. Please. 

(AS IF COMPLETELY UNFAZED BY HIS WIFE'S NEWS, ARNOLD RESUMES INTEREST WHERE THE CONVERSATION HAD LEFT OFF) 

KHAN:  About this company of mine.  (ADDRESSES CAROLINE)  I've just set up my own company…similar function to Arnold's but with the difference that mine is a real entity, a commercial, trading business.  Of course, it's a blind like Arnold's for other activities (SMILES) 

CAROLINE:  I understand. 

KHAN:  Arnold, we should be delighted if you would join us…say as an adviser.  Obviously we'd make it worth your while.  What do you think? 

LYTHGOE:  I am interested.  Hope I shan't spread myself too thinly.  However being an MP is better than working as a newly elected colleague said on his first day in Parliament!  It gives one time for many other things…if you can manage long days, that is! (LAUGHS.  GLANCES AT HIS WIFE) 

KHAN:  One important thing though, Arnold.  I…we…wouldn't want it to be broadcast that you were on our books – I'm sure you wouldn't either.  You would have no problem with signing a 'secrecy'…for want of a better word…document, would you, promising under NO circumstances to disclose anything about my, our company? 

LYTHGOE:  No, I wouldn't. 

KHAN:  Not even to the Select Committee you mentioned? 

LYTHGOE:  Not even 

KHAN:  Can you do it now?  Sorry if I appear to be hassling somewhat.  (TAKES A DOCUMENT OUF OF A POCKET AND SPREADS IT ON THE TABLE)  Read it before you sign.  (L. LOOKS QUICKLY OVER THE DOCUMENT) 

LYTHGOE:  Seems fair enough to me.  Where do I sign?  (KHAN POINTS OUT THE PLACE THEN POCKETS THE SIGNED DOC.) 

KHAN:  could you use headed notepaper when you write on behalf of clients?  House of Commons headed, I mean.  It would help…look more impressive… 

ARNOLD:  I sometimes do this already, Ibin, don't I Caroline?  

CAROLINE:  When there's anything in it! 

LYTHGOE:  I shouldn't do in some cases, though…it is an extra risk I'd be taking (LOOKS AT KHAN INTERROGATIVELY) 

KHAN:  We'd see you were recompensed according to the circumstances…and results, of course (SMILES) for instance, the PM is due for a tour of the Middle East later this year, or early next year.  I'm right, aren't I? 

LYTHGOE:  You are, Ibin.  You are. 

KHAN:  He is going to meet the royal family out there?  You could write offering advice to him…from your long association with ME affairs…about what to do and say for the best…in order to maximise good relations between the two countries.  We ourselves have connections with the royal family and you will through us, have also.  In reality, you would be influencing, through the contents of your letter, the PM to take a look at our companies bidding for contracts there. 

CAROLINE:  Sounds a bit ambitious, darling.  Maybe it is not a wise move at this stage…especially as the Prime Minister himself wants to see you – probably on related matters. 

KHAN:  (HURRIEDLY BREAKING IN)  Not at all, Mrs. Lythgoe.  The visit's some time off anyway.  The PM will have more important things on his mind than remembering one of many discussions he has had with his backbenchers in the past year. 

LYTHGOE:  I'm sure you're right, Ibin.  (SPEAKS REFLECTIVELY HOWEVER)  I DO have the Middle East experience, so it will not be out of character. 

KHAN:  I think we've been here long enough…Arnold?  Mrs Lythgoe?  Caroline, I think you said, if I may? (SHE NODS HER HEAD AND SMILES) 

CAROLINE:  Do please. 

KHAN:  However there's just one more matter of some importance I'd like to mention before we go. 

LYTHGOE:  That is? 

KHAN:  Nuclear shelters in Arabia! 

LYTHGOE:  What? 

KHAN:  Sorry!  I'll explain.  Who's one of the biggest names in road building…associated mostly with road surfaces?  You know one?  Good!  For my sins, I have been given the job of representing this firm in its negotiations with the powers that be in Arabia.  Arnold, this is where we hope you can…profitably…come in.  One of your first jobs would be to lobby for the company in its pursuit of the contract to build the nuclear shelters. 

LYTHGOE:  What do you want me to do exactly? 

CAROLINE:  I'll get another drink.  Anybody want one? 

KHAN:  No thanks 

LYTHGOE:  Just get yourself one.  We've still got work to go to! (HUMOROUSLY) 

KHAN:  Write to the British Ambassador in Saudi.  Request a meeting between reps of the firm…two of us…and him – tell him you think highly of the firm and its competitive tendering – that it would do, in your experience, a very good, efficient job.  Hopefully, Sir……what's his name?…the Ambassador…will be impressed and speak accordingly to the people who count - the royal family.  Headed notepaper of course! 

(CAROLINE COMES BACK WITH HER DRINK) 

LYTHGOE:  The firm itself would be grateful? 

KHAN:  Very – and so would I! 

LYTHGOE:  You can rely on me when the time comes. 

KHAN:  Well, it has been very useful, this meeting.  Hope you found it worthwhile, Caroline, as well? 

CAROLINE:    Very. 

KHAN:  Must be going now.  Thanks for your time, both.  See you again.  (HE STANDS UP) 

LYTHGOE:  And now I must see my leader! 

KHAN:  Bye-bye.  Thanks for the signature.  I'll treasure it! 

(KHAN LEAVES TO BE FOLLOWED A FEW MOMENTS LATER BY LYTHGOE AND HIS WIFE)

SCENE 5 

EVENING.  INT.  AN OFFICE IN THE CONSTITUENCY HQ. SEATED IN COMFORTABLE CHAIRS ARE THE LOCAL PARTY CHAIR, MRS JOAN LATHAM; THE SECRETARY, DORIS; AND THE TREASURER, JAMES.  (AGES IMMATERIAL EXCEPT FOR THE CHAIRPERSON WHO HAS ALREADY BEEN DESCRIBED AS IN HER FIFTIES,)  A CHAIR IN THE MIDDLE IS AS YET UNOCCUPIED.  JOAN AND DORIS ARE TO THE SIDE OF THE UNOCCUPIIED CHAIR; JAMES ON THE OTHER.  DRINKS READY POURED ON THE TABLE BEHIND.  LOOKS LIKE WINE. 

JOAN:  I thought it might be helpful to meet a little beforehand…in case there are any last minute points anybody wants to bring up…This isn't going to be easy. 

DORIS:  I think (LOOKING AT JAMES)  We're happy to leave the main thrust to you, Joan. 

JAMES:  I wouldn't dissent from that.  We can interject if we feel the need. 

JOAN:  Just one thing has occurred to me.  It is probable that Arnold has heard of the happenings here…in which case he will arrive in a bad mood! 

JAMES:  Possible.  In some ways it will make our task easier. 

DORIS:  The line we're taking is that as Officers we do not want to lose Arnold as our MP but that we have to abide by the vote of the majority? 

JOAN:  That's right.  We should stick to this.  Anything else?  I think I should add that… (AN IMPERIOUS KNOCK ON THE DOOR) 

JOAN:  Come in.

(ARNOLD LYTHGOE ENTERS.  HE APPEARS CROSS) 

JOAN:  (SHE RISES TO GREET HIM WITH A PERFUNCTORY HANDSHAKE)  Lovely to see you Arnold – thanks for making the time.  Take a seat (INDICATING THE MIDDLE CHAIR) 

ARNOLD:  Thanks.  I think I know why I am here!  (ANGRILY)  You might have told me earlier of the machinations that have been going on here. 

JOAN:  The fact is, Arnold, that we did try to contact you but without avail.  Your wife did not seem to know for sure where you were and Westminster couldn't help either. 

ARNOLD:  You could have sent an Email…or have faxed me as it was important…or haven't these inventions reached this area yet? 

JAMES:  A bit on the strong side, Arnold, if I may say so.  Not necessary. 

DORIS:  Why don't we have the drinks now.  I'll get them.  (SHE HANDS THEM ROUND).  Dry, isn't it, for you Arnold? 

ARNOLD:  Glad to see you've not forgotten everything!  (AT HIS SARDONIC BEST NOW)  (EXASPERATED LOOKS OR BODY LANGUAGE FROM THE UNCOMFORTABLE OFFICERS) 

JOAN:  (IGNORING THE LAST REMARK IN HER SELF-POSSESSED WAY)  Should we get down to business?  (EXASPERATED AT THE TURN OF EVENTS)  The fact is, Arnold, that the active membership of the constituency party demanded a meeting to discuss your future with us. 

ARNOLD:  Oh yes?  And I knew nothing of it! 

JOAN:  We've already explained that one, Arnold.  As I was saying, they had been receiving bad vibes about your conduct as their MP…for some time, may I say…and some of them were, are, very dissatisfied.  So much so that… 

ARNOLD:  (JUMPS TO HIS FEET; STANDS BEHIND HIS CHAIR, HANDS TREMBLING ON THE BACK <BUT SCARCELY NOTICEABLE> - A.L. IS TOO SELF-POSSESSED A CHARACTER FOR THAT).  That what?  (VOICE HAS RISEN)  It's my career we're talking about,  A few misinformed old people! 

DORIS:  Not all old, Arnold!  Many of them are quite young…younger than you in fact. 

ARNOLD:  Not the point, Doris…is it?  The fact remains that they have been misled by unreliable media reporting.  Everyone knows that you can only believe half what you read in newspapers.  (RESUMES HIS CHAIR) 

JOAN:  Nevertheless this is what they believe.  May I say as Officers we did not want the meeting to be held.  We officers did…do…not want to lose your services.  We objected to trial in absentia…unable to defend yourself before… 

ARNOLD:  (INTERRUPTING)  Could you not have prevented it?  As Officers of the local party, I mean.  Surely you could have influenced… 

JOAN:  I'm afraid not Arnold.  Passions were too highly aroused by then.  Besides it would not have been democratic. 

ARNOLD:  You call that democratic?  (HIS ANGER WELLS UP AGAIN) 

JAMES:  Nothing else we could do.  We had to respond to their perception that you had let them down.  Perhaps they are wrong.  But then again, perhaps they are not. 

ARNOLD:  This is preposterous!  Your last statement verges on the slanderous, Mr Treasurer…whatever your name is… 

JOAN:  The point is, Arnold, that the meeting did vote overwhelmingly for your deselection.  Sorry, but this is how it was. 

ARNOLD:  I want a chance to speak with my activists.  I won't just bow down to this. 

JOAN:  Not only that, Arnold.  They also voted to choose a new candidate to succeed you. 

ARNOLD:  Who?  They wouldn't do that…after years of representation! 

JOAN:  I'm afraid they did.  The person chosen has a very good record in public and private life.  They felt she would make a very good job of taking care of her constituents and speaking up for THEIR interests in Parliament. 

(FOR ONCE A. IS MOMENTARILY BEREFT OF SPEECH) 

DORIS:  I should just like to add that there has been a noticeable dropping off of active membership recently.  May of course just be a coincidence. 

JAMES:  I'd say it wasn't.  Ever since reports of your manifold extra-mural interests…which apparently you did not always declare…people, by which I mean party supporters, have been talking. 

JOAN:  Which show up in decreased membership and correspondingly a less healthy balance statement. 

ARNOLD:  Ridiculous!  I don't believe it! 

JOAN:  Nevertheless, it's true.  The new candidate will be formally adopted next week, all being well. 

ARNOLD:  All will not be well, I can tell you.  The people have been got at.  It's…it's deselection by the media.  I'll fight it all the way.  It's all a pack of lies, exaggerations, ill informed gossip.  And you three listen to it! 

JAMES:  Only if it's true.  (SARCASTICALLY) 

DORIS:  No smoke without fire, Arnold.  (THE TWO SPEAK ALMOST SIMULTANEOUSLY IN THEIR INDIGNATION) 

JOAN:  Sorry to have to present such bad news to you, Arnold, but there's not much we can do in the light of the decision.  We wish it were different. 

ARNOLD:  It's not too late to do something about it though, Joan, is it?  (CALM, AS IF CONCILIATORY).  I apologise for any shortcomings…you could tell your people this…say you have had a meeting with me to clear the air…and that I have been misrepresented – that the media's to blame for all this falsehood.  If people are so worried about my 'outside' interests put it to them that I would be less informed on matters that concern them, less effective as an MP.  In everything I've done, it's been in their interests.  (AT THE BEGINNING OF THESE WORDS, ARNOLD STANDS UP AND WALKS ABOUT THE ROOM OR TO ONE SIDE, SOMEWHAT EMOTIONAL IN HIS PLEADING) 

JOAN:  We could, Arnold – but it would carry no conviction. 

ARNOLD:  But will you try?  Convince the party activists, to whom I owe so much…and owe me so much, may I say…to dump this new candidate, whoever she is… that they would be better off sticking with me than putting their trust in an unknown.  (A. IS STANDIDNG TO ONE SIDE; THEN POURS HIMSELF ANOTHER DRINK) 

ARNOLD:  Excuse me.  Anyone else?

(SHAKES OF THE HEAD FROM THE THREE) 

ARNOLD:  Well, what do you say?  I have made my confession and promise to do a suitable penance!  (ATTEMPT AT A JOKE FALLS FLAT.  MAYBE SOME FORCED GRINS) 

DORIS:  I'm against it – it wouldn't wash 

JAMES:  So am I. 

JOAN:  It would not be fair to the incoming person, Arnold.  We were all very impressed by her.  I don't believe any of us…the local party supporters…would want to see her dumped, as you put it.  No, we couldn't do it. 

ARNOLD:  But you are prepared to see ME dumped?  All right.  Adopt the new candidate.  I'll still stand…but as an Independent candidate.  I've got a lot of support among the general public of this town, if not among the so-called party activists.  (BITTER)  You'll be hearing from me.  And I'll write an open letter to my constituents setting out my side of the case – the side YOU haven't the guts to show them.  Thanks for the meeting.

(A.L. STRIDES QUICKLY OUT OF THE ROOM) 

JOAN:  Arnold!  Just a minute…

(A.L. PAYS NO ATTENTION)  Well, that's it.  (ALL THREE STAND, GATHERING BAGS, PAPERS, COATS ETC.) 

DORIS:  What were you going to say, Joan…early on, just before Arnold arrived? 

JOAN:  It doesn't really matter now.  And it might all be hearsay. 

JAMES:  What might?  (CURIOUS) 

JOAN:  About Arnold's private life.  Apparently this is not so savoury also.  Oh I don't mean the usual infidelity stuff…something much more disturbing.  But as I say, it may all be rumour. 

DORIS:  But if true...what then? 

JOAN:  More fuel to the fire. 

JAMES:  Do we need any?  Perhaps it's just as well you didn't tell us before Arnold arrived! 

JOAN:  I'll know for sure in a few days.  Then we shall probably need to have another meeting with out errant MP…and more revelations for our people about their honourable Member! 

(ALL THREE LEAVE TOGETHER)

SCENE 6 

AM.  INT.  OFFICE OF THE CHIEF WHIP – AS IN SCENE 2.  MEETING OF THE PM, BERNARD MILLER, AND THE CHIEF WHIP, ANDREW GALE.  THEY HAVE MET TO DISCUSS THE PROBLEM OF ARNOLD LYTHGOE. 

GALE:  (STANDING:  TIDYING SOME PAPERS ON HIS DESK)  (KNOCK ON THE DOOR)  Come in, Prime Minister.  Good of you to find time. 

MILLER:  (ENTERING)  Hello, Andrew.  I always find time for important business!

GALE:  Take a seat.  Drink? 

MILLER:  Not at the moment, Andrew…maybe later. 

GALE:  About Lythgoe.  The matter IS worrying.  (SITS DOWN – ALSO WITHOUT A DRINK AT THIS JUNCTURE) 

MILLER:  Disturbing turn of events, for sure, especially for you, Andrew, with your day to day discipline to maintain. 

GALE:  I'm not sure what course of action to take for the best, Prime Minister.  I would value your advice. 

MILLER:  I presume all we have heard about Lythgoe, politically and personally, is true? 

GALE:  I'm afraid it is. 

MILLER:  And his constituents appear to know all about it as well? 

GALE:  This is in many ways the most disturbing feature of it all. 

MILLER:  So he has not only fallen out of favour with the local party, but has also been criticised in the House…and not only by the Opposition? 

GALE:  I'm afraid he is becoming a liability:  eccentric behaviour in the Palace of Westminster…in the corridors, and such…and as you know, losing no opportunity to justify himself…a sign of a guilty conscience if ever I saw one. 

MILLER:  Pity.  He's a staunch party supporter otherwise. 

GALE:  But greedy.  Overreaching himself.  If he hadn't been so obvious he would no doubt have got away with his touting…as so many do! 

MILLER:  He has been deselected by his local committee, I understand.  His party workers are due to appoint a successor soon? 

GALE:  That's right.  She's a first-class candidate, by all accounts but unproven as an MP.

MILLER:  Naturally, he's not going to take it lying down, if I know Arnold! 

GALE:  Certainly not, Bernard.  Apparently he told them straight he would contest the seat against the new candidate…as an Independent. 

MILLER:   So I've heard. 

GALE:  Lythgoe, in my view, needs disciplining.  I have already had a word with him.  As you know he has been suspended.  But I have to say I feel the issue is so damaging that the only appropriate action is withdrawal of the whip. 

MILLER:  This is a bit drastic, Andrew. I'm not… 

GALE:  Pardon me, Prime Minister.  Sorry to appear to interrupt…I must tell you that I've already spoken to him about the possibility of withdrawing the whip… 

MILLER:  (INTERRUPTING IN HIS TURN)  As you are aware, this course of action would effectively banish him from the party…at a time when we need – because of our thin majority – every vote!  

GALE:  Well, he has had warning and as far as I am aware, he carries on regardless. 

MILLER:  Has it become such a scandal…his abuse of an MP's position…that it warrants such drastic action? 

GALE:  Not only what you have just mentioned, Bernard, but apparently there is more than a whiff of scandal about his private life…now become very public. 

MILLER:  Oh yes?  What is this then? 

GALE:  Unsavoury circumstances surrounding his current marital affairs…and his forthcoming divorce from a long-suffering wife. 

MILLER:  Divorce is no new thing about MPs…or anybody for that matter. 

GALE:  It's the lurid details!  This has played a large part in the bad odour in which he is held at local level.  They probably know more than we do! 

MILLER:  But withdrawing the whip!  It would mean a by-election if he were to resign – the last thing the Party wants at this stage. 

GALE:  He said himself however that he would not resign…and I for one believe him.  Despite any action of suspension or withdrawal. 

MILLER:  Nevertheless, I wouldn't want to take the risk.  I'm sorry, Andrew, but I'd have to overrule you on this.  I couldn't agree to having the whip withdrawn from Lythgoe. 

GALE:  (STANDS UP IN AGITATION AND WALKS A LITTLE)  He'll think he's got away with it all!  Nothing to fear from me! 

MILLER:  It's not really like that, as you know, Andrew.  Normally I think in a case like this, withdrawing the whip would be appropriate.  We…I…have got to be pragmatic.  We can't afford to throw away a vote.  We are dependent as it is, as you know, on the support of some of the minor parties. 

GALE:  Time for a drink!  What about you Bernard?  (HE POURS THE DRINKS) 

MILLER:  Why Not?  May help us to relax!  (HE STANDS UP AND WALKS TO THE DRINKS, WHERE HE TAKES HIS FROM GALE.  THEN THEY BOTH SIT DOWN) 

GALE:  I'll be frank – I don't like Lythgoe.  I feel he should be disciplined. 

MILLER:  Neither do I, Andrew.  But he is a member of our party and we do need his vote.  (NO COMMENT FROM GALE WHO LOOKS DOWNCAST)  (SEEING THIS, MILLER CONTINUES)  Besides he will eventually get his comeuppance – he can't carry on like this and retain our confidence. 

GALE:  His local party had no hesitation in taking the bull by the horns.  We should do the same. 

MILLER:  But as you realise, Andrew, the situations at local level and in Parliament are very different. 

GALE:  I am still for withdrawing the whip  (FIRMLY) 

MILLER:  But not now, Andrew. 

GALE:  Ideally the party needs a new candidate…an honest one!…in order to limit the damage Lythgoe is doing to… 

MILLER:  (INTERRUPTING)  Exactly!  I do agree.  Lythgoe will probably be formally replaced and I imagine will not win the seat again.  But you never know – if in the unlikely event he does, then soon after could be the time for banishment.  But if he carries out his threat to stand as an Independent…and withdrawing the whip would stiffen his resolve…he will probably split the vote and allow the third candidate to take the seat. 

GALE:  Third in the sense that the official Party candidate is first, representatives of the other Parties come next…and before Lythgoe the Independent! 

MILLER:  I should imagine so.  Up to now as you're aware, it has always been a safe seat.  I wouldn't want it to change under my Premiership…and because of precipitate action. 

GALE:  I wouldn't call it precipitate, Prime Minister! 

MILLER:  Maybe not, Andrew.  But this is how it would be construed in the country…and in the media. 

GALE:  Another one, Bernard?  (INDICATING HIS EMPTY GLASS) 

MILLER:  Not for me. 

GALE:  I'll have one (RISES: GOES TO DRINKS CABINET AND REPLENISHES.  STANDING OVER BY THE DRINKS)  Well, you can advise me.  I'm just the Chief Whip.  (BIT SARCASTICALLY) 

MILLER:  Also there's always the strong possibility of any whip withdrawal becoming known almost immediately to the Press, which would itself damage our chances…to say nothing of anything else…in the General Election. 

GALE:  A chance we could take in a just cause! 

MILLER:  I don't think we could, Andrew.  Imagine if the news became common currency in the area.  It would of course put paid to Lythgoe's chances…we wouldn't lose any sleep over that…but it might also fatally injure the new official candidate. 

GALE:  So what DO we do? 

MILLER:  Purely for practical reasons…expediency you may call it…I suggest we both agree not to withdraw the whip from Lythgoe AT THE MOMENT.  Would you go along with this, Andrew? 

GALE:  I'll have to, I presume (WITH A BAD GRACE) 

(KNOCK ON THE DOOR) 

GALE:  I wonder who this is (SOTTO VOCE).  Come in. 

(TOM BUSHELL APPEARS IN THE DOORWAY) 

BUSHELL:  Pardon the interruption…Andrew…Prime Minister… 

GALE:  What is it, Tom?  As it happens we had just finished our discussion. 

BUSHELL:  I'd been told you were having a meeting.  I waited as long as I could. 

MILLER:  Waited for what, Tom?  What's the problem?  (TOM TAKES A STEP OR TWO INSIDE THE ROOM) 

BUSHELL:  As you may know, the Select Committee on Members' Interests has just started its deliberations…yesterday in fact…with preliminary facts and figures.  We have just one small local difficulty, to paraphrase.  As Chair I have been deputed to seek your help. 

MILLER:  What difficulty? 

GALE:  How can we help?  (ALMOST SIMULTANEOUSLY) 

BUSHELL:  The star witness is missing:  Arnold Lythgoe!

SCENE 7 

AM.  INT.  H. OF C.  OFFICE OF THE ATTORNEY GENERAL:  SIR WILLIAM THORPE.  THE LATTER IS WALKING ABOUT HIS OFFICE, PREOCCUPIED.  HE PICKS UP A FOLDER OF PAPERS AND BEGINS TO LOOK AT IT.  AFTER A FEW MOMENTS HE GOES TO THE DOOR AND OPENS IT, LOOKING AT HIS WATCH.  HE LOOKS OUT. 

LYTHGOE:  (VOICE OFF, AS IF COMING DOWN A CORRIDOR).  Sorry, Sir William.  Unavoidably detained.  Apologies.  (ENTERS THE ROOM BEHIND THORPE AS HE SAYS THE LAST WORD OR TWO) 

THORPE:  You ARE a bit late, Arnold.  Never Mind.  You're here now. 

LYTHGOE:  Very good of you to meet me.  I presume you know something of the reason behind this meeting? 

THORPE:  Not really.  Take a seat.  (THEY BOTH SIT DOWN)  I mean I don't know any details – only what I've heard.  I gather it's to do with the revelations – for want of a better word – about your commercial interests and Parliamentary disclosure.  That right? 

LYTHGOE:  To tell the truth, I'm sick and tired of the malicious gossip that has been circulating about me here in Parliament…and in my constituency. 

THORPE:  Yes?  And how can I help? 

LYTHGOE:  I believe I am being victimised…why, I am not sure.  Maybe because of envy…of my success, as a reliable constituency MP who cultivates connections outside the otherwise closed world of Westminster.  Naturally it is principally opposition MPs who delight in raking up this rubbish…but unfortunately they are not the only ones! 

THORPE:  But I understand the Members' Interests Committee is meeting at the moment and you are to be called.  Surely this is the place to vindicate yourself?  If necessary. 

LYTHGOE:  The trouble is members have already been fed untrue allegations which tend to form the staple diet of the so-called evidence…and the questions asked. 

THORPE:  You are saying that untruths about you are being issued…this is it, basically? 

LYTHGOE:  Yes, and as an Officer of the Law you could help me to redress the balance. 

THORPE:  How exactly? 

LYTHGOE:  I am determined to face down my accusers.  Not only have I been deselected by my local party…

THORPE:  (INTERRUPTING)    Yes, I'd heard so. 

LYTHGOE:  and…and…threatened with the loss of the whip… 

THORPE:  So I believe! 

LYTHGOE:  …and I am also accused of making use of my privileged position as an MP to amass consultancies, retainers, freebies, etc., taking cash for asking tendentious questions, etc., etc., …all of which I am supposed to declare and have not done!  The list is endless and ridiculous!  It's nothing short of a witchhunt. 

THORPE:  And what can I do about it, Arnold? 

LYTHGOE:  I am going…determined…to take my case to the United Nations Convention on Human Rights.  That is to say, right to the top.  I thought you as Attorney-General could give me some advice on how to go about it…the best way to present my case, and so on.  Whom to contact initially. 

THORPE:  Is this course of action wise or necessary? 

LYTHGOE:  I believe both, Sir William.  I must be vindicated.  With my local party and Westminster against me, I have little choice.  What is most galling is the fact that I am not doing any more than many…on both sides of the House…are doing.  My enemies have seized on my non-declaration of interests…interests which I have no right to disclose because they are confidential clients of my company. 

THORPE:  Your own consultancy?  You have, I take it, the controlling share interest…with some other? 

LYTHGOE:  My wife. 

THORPE:  But you have never declared this? 

LYTHGOE:  I have admitted it.  I have already apologised to the House.  But still they are not satisfied.  People are determined to make an example of me.  I am not unique.  Perhaps one of the most notable examples.  (SMILES GRIMLY).  I feel I am the fallguy for the Common's public show of putting its house in order.  I don't feel like submitting (DEFIANTLY; HIS VOICE GROWS MORE EMOTIONAL).  That's why I am going to appeal. 

THORPE:  The issue will be hard to argue…in your favour, I mean!  To be quite honest, I think the chances of a successful appeal are slight.  It would put me in a very difficult position if it were to come out that I had aided and abetted you in the venture. 

LYTHGOE:  Are you saying…? 

THORPE:  I have to be frank with your, Arnold.  I don't think I can help you.  I don't think it's a very good idea.  If I were you I'd drop it. 

LYTHGOE:  I thought one of your duties was to help people in legal matters.   Especially Members of Parliament of your own persuasion (BITTERLY) 

THORPE:  only when the cause is right…and has some chance of being winnable!  (SARCASTIC) 

LYTHGOE:  So the advice is… (HIS WORDS ARE INTERRUPTED BY A PHONE CALL)  (THORPE GOES OVER TO THE PHONE AND LISTENS) 

THORPE:  Yes….I understand….all right.…thanks for letting me know.  (RETURNS THE PHONE; TURNS TO FACE THE STILL SITTING LYTHGOE) 

LYTHGOE:  Shall I go?  No point in remaining. 

THORPE:  Not yet, Arnold.  Apparently, your constituency Chairperson has rung the House.  It was your Parliamentary secretary who relayed the message, knowing you were here from your engagements diary.  She thought you should know as soon as possible. 

LYTHGOE:  Know what?  (IMPORTUNATE)  Sorry, Sir William!  I'm all ears!  (TRIES TO BE LIGHT-HEARTED) (STANDS UP AGITATED) 

THORPE:  It seems your local party has this morning formally adopted a new candidate.  SHE will fight the seat in the next General Election.  Looks like you're on your own, Arnold.  It could be worse.  At least you've still got the whip – for the time being, anyway.

(BOTH MEN ARE NOW STANDING.  A HALF-HEARTED HANDSHAKE IS PROFERRED) 

THORPE:  Best of luck, Arnold. 

(LYTHGOE SAYS NOTHING.  HE TURNS ON HIS HEEL AND WALKS OUT OF THE DOOR.  THORPE SETTLES DOWN IN HIS CHAIR AND BEGINS TO LOOK AT THE PAPERS AGAIN)

SCENE 8 

AM.  INT.  HOME OF LYTHGOE AND HIS WIFE, CAROLINE.  THE LOUNGE AS BEFORE: SHOULD GIVE THE ILLUSION OF BEING WELL-APPOINTED.  BOTH SEATED IN ARMCHAIRS WITH A (SMALL) TABLE BETWEEN THEM ON WHICH ARE SPREAD SOME PAPERS, LETTERS, SOME HEADED.  TONES IN WHICH THEY SPEAK TO EACH OTHER NOT VERY FRIENDLY.  CLEARLY SOMETHING IS AMISS. 

CAROLINE:  Our company seems to be doing well judging from these papers, Arnold.  My house not so well with one large room taken up as an office – to say nothing of our dispossessed cars! 

ARNOLD (UNDER STRESS BUT TRYING NOT TO LET IT SHOW-INITIALLY!)  Had to be done, Caroline…as you agreed at the time. 

CAROLINE:  You did that report for the Arabian Monetary Bureau, didn't you?  When's the money due? 

ARNOLD:  Any day now.  Is there a problem? 

CAROLINE:  No. But it will go into the company coffers, won't it?  After all, it is something arising out of the formation of the company, and as such belongs to it. 

ARNOLD:  I did the work, don't forget. 

CAROLINE:  You wouldn't have been able if I had not lent you some of the start-up cash…to convert our...my…home! 

ARNOLD:  The cash will go in, never fear. 

CAROLINE:  I hope so.  It will help to pay off my loan…and…and go some way to recompensing me for the time I have put in.  How much is it, by the way? 

ARNOLD:  Well.  I've been promised £25,000 for it.  Sent it off last week, so should get the cheque any time now. 

CAROLINE:  Arnold…I'm not so sure we're doing the right thing any more.  (SEES LOOK OF ANNOYANCE ON A's FACE)  I mean, building up all these contacts – means much has to take place under cover…and takes you away a lot…long hours, trips abroad and so on.  I don't know if the money's worth it…I  thought we'd see the benefits more… 

ARNOLD:  (WHO KNOWS WHERE MUCH OF THE MONEY IS GOING:  INTO HIS PRIVATE ACCOUNT OR SPENT ON HIS MISTRESS)  These things take time to work through, Caroline.  Can't expect riches overnight!  We're not doing badly as it is are we?  You complaining? 

CAROLINE:  I thought the loans – apart from the kick-start – you would have been able to pay back sooner…that's all.

ARNOLD:  Are you looking for repayment at once then? 

CAROLINE:  No, not at the moment.  All those Middle East contacts…are they not paying off as expected? 

ARNOLD:  What is this – question time? 

CAROLINE:  I appear to be doing most of the bankrolling.  Admittedly you are trying to do two jobs (SARCASTIC).  There seems to be not much in returns.  Where is it all going? 

ARNOLD: The suggestion being I presume that I'm stashing it away?  Or otherwise blueing it? 

CAROLINE:  Well, I sometimes wonder! 

ARNOLD:  Thank you very much for that vote of confidence!  In effect, you are accusing me of some sort of deception. 

CAROLINE:  You ARE deceiving some people!  (TELLINGLY) 

ARNOLD:  No, I'm not!  Just indulging in legitimate commercial enterprises which make me a better MP – opening a window on the world, in fact. 

CAROLINE:  Fine words, Arnold…but not really true! 

ARNOLD:  I'm fed up of this!  You knew from the beginning things were going to be a bit fraught…at first.  (HE STANDS UP AND GETS HIMSELF A DRINK, MAKES NO EFFORT TO POUR HIS WIFE ONE, REMAINS STANDING.  SAYS NOTHING FOR A MOMENT OR TWO.  CAROLINE LOOKS AT ONE OF THE LETTERS ON THE TABLE)  So it all boils down to your wanting the 'loans' back? 

CAROLINE:  Just seeking some return on my investment, shall we call it. 

ARNOLD:  Call it what you like!  (RAISED VOICE)  You want me to feel guilty.  (HE DOES OF COURSE) 

CAROLINE:  Not at all.  If you persist in refusing to see what I am getting at, then… 

ARNOLD:  (INTERRUPTING)  I know what you are getting at all right! 

CAROLINE:  (UP TO NOW COMPOSED.  NOW SOMEWHAT AGITATED)  then why don't you do something about it? 

ARNOLD:  I intend to.  (ALMOST SHOUTING NOW.  WALKS ABOUT THE ROOM.  CAROLINE STANDS, PICKS UP SOME MORE OF THE PAPERS ON THE TABLE) 

CAROLINE:  I presume producing these is supposed to reassure me all is well?  Provided I did not look too closely at them? (SARCASTIC) 

ARNOLD:  I don't care what you read.  If you don't trust me… 

CAROLINE:  I don't!  Not any longer. 

ARNOLD:  What a basis for a marriage…and a partnership! 

CAROLINE:  Why don't we end both? 

ARNOLD:  (PRETENDS TO BE DISMAYED)  After twenty years! 

CAROLINE:  We don't seem to be getting on so well these days, Arnold.  Your outside interests are coming between us.  (CALMLY):  Isn't it time you were making tracks?  I presume you ARE attending the House this afternoon?  (SLIGHT NOTE OF TENSION IN HER VOICE) 

ARNOLD:  Threatening me with divorce…and then hurrying me off to work?  Doesn't make sense. 

CAROLINE:  I'm not hurrying you off – just reminding you.  The Select Committee IS meeting later, I gather?  (LOOKS NERVOUSLY TOWARDS THE PHONE) 

ARNOLD:  Why this sudden interest in Parliamentary matters? 

CAROLINE:  Oh, you're just being ridiculous. 

ARNOLD:  No more than you… 

CAROLINE:  We can decide details of any separation later…assets of the company, and the like. 

ARNOLD:  I do believe you are serious!  With me as the defendant no doubt!  (SARCASTIC)  (BEGINS TO TIDY UP THE PAPERS) 

CAROLINE:  Leave those.  I can do it. 

ARNOLD:  No rush is there?  Not as if it would be the first time I've given the Floor a miss – on the other business!  (HOPES A CUTTING REMARK)  Think I'll have a coffee after this.  Want one?  (A. WALKS OUT AS THOUGH GOING TO THE KITCHIN.)   (CAROLINE PACES THE FLOOR IN SOME AGITATION AND SITS DOWN, TRYING TO CONCENTRATE ON A FOLDER FROM THE TABLE) 

ARNOLD:  (TRYING TO BE VERY CIVILISED ABOUT THE MOMENTOUS CONVERSATION – THE NATURE OF WHICH HAS COME RATHER TOO QUICKLY FOR HIS LIKING)  Did you say Yes? 

(THE PHONE RINGS) 

CAROLINE:  I'll get it.  (SHE RUSHES OVER AS ARNOLD REAPPEARS WITH A COFFEE IN HIS HAND. HE REMAINS STANDING A MOMENT OR TWO) 

CAROLINE:  (HAVING <OBVIOUS> DIFFICULTY IN TALKING FREELY)  Oh, hello!  Nice to hear from you.  No.  Yes.  (LISTENS)  All right.  Thanks for calling.  (SHE RETURNS THE PHONE.  ARNOLD SITS ON THE ARM OF HIS CHAIR, HOLDING HIS CUP AND SAUCER)     CAROLINE RESUMES HER SEAT) 

ARNOLD:  Funny conversation that!  Sounded very one sided.  Business?  Social call?  An admirer perhaps?  (SARCASTIC)   

CAROLINE:  I think it's about time you knew, Arnold.  More than an admirer, though.  My lover. 

ARNOLD:  (PRETENDS TO BE AFFRONTED)  Who?  How long has this been going on?  No wonder you spoke of divorce! 

CAROLINE:  I must be honest with you, Arnold.  I've had enough of this double life.  I don't believe I can trust you any longer.  I think you are hiding something from me…and spending money on things I know nothing about…maybe apartments, other women… 

ARNOLD:  You've some need to talk!  (GENUINELY BITTER) 

CAROLINE:  I think we've reached the end of the line, Arnold.  I want a divorce.  You can sue me if you like.  I have confessed to an affair.  You should do well out of it…this would be what you want, I presume. 

ARNOLD:  Meanwhile, what about the money question?  'Loans' I never thought I'd have to repay…or not so soon!  What about sums you owe me?  The joint Bank account over the years?  Money I earned from the contacts that you now deride? 

CAROLINE:  Half of everything is mine…you know that. 

ARNOLD:  And the gifts you received from me in the past twenty years?  (VOICE RISES).  The jewellery, for instance? 

CAROLINE:  I've no intention of handing anything back.  You'll get a good Court settlement, I'm sure.  (SARCASM 

ARNOLD:  I'm not so sure about that, Caroline.  (HINT OF MENACE) 

CAROLINE:  Why?  What on earth could you mean?  (HEAVY SARCASM) 

ARNOLD:     You'll see!  (RUSHES OUT OF THE DOOR AS IF GOING TO ANOTHER ROOM.  CAROLINE IS PUZZLED.) 

CAROLINE:  Where are you going, Arnold?  Wait!  (SHE STANDS, LOOKING AFTER ARNOLD.  SHE GOES TO THE DOOR AND LOOKS OUT.)

ARNOLD:  (RETURNS WITH A JEWEL BOX)  This is what I was after!  (A BIT BREATHLESS) 

CAROLINE:  What are you doing with that, Arnold?

ARNOLD:  Only what you owe me, my love!  (CLEARLY TAKING THE MICKEY) 

CAROLINE:  Thief!  You can't do that!  Those are mine. 

ARNOLD:  Can't I?  Just watch me. 

CAROLINE:  You bloody thief!  I won't fucking let you! 

ARNOLD:  No need to swear, Caroline.  You've probably done enough fucking to last you! 

(CAROLINE ATTEMPTS TO SNATCH THE BOX BACK.  ARNOLD TAUNTS HER BY HOLDING IT ABOVE HER HEAD.) 

ARNOLD:  Can't you reach, wifey?  What a pity! 

(IN DESPERATION CAROLINE GRAPPLES WITH HER HUSBAND AND A SHORT SKIRMISH ENSUES, IN THE COURSE OF WHICH CAROLINE KNEES ARNOLD IN THE CROTCH, AS A RESULT OF WHICH HE DOUBLES UP, LETTING GO THE JEWELLERY BOX.  CAROLINE SEIZES HER OPPORTUNITY AND PICKS UP THE BOX.  ARNOLD SOMEWHAT RECOVERED, WRESTLES HIS WIFE TO THE GROUND, RECOVERS THE BOX AND DELIVERS A SLAP TO HER FACE <OR GIVES HER A BODY BLOW>.  EITHER WAY, CAROLINE IS REDUCED TO TEARS.) 

CAROLINE:  You bloody bully!  I'll sue you for this you bugger! 

ANDREW:  Do.  You started it.  Didn't realise you knew such language!  Might have known…you only married into society…the first time! 

(CAROLINE SOBS.  SHE IS STILL ON THE FLOOR.) 

ARNOLD:  I'm going now, Caroline.  This'll do as a first instalment.  Don't expect me back later.  I'll find somewhere (SARCASM) 

CAROLINE:  (DRAGGING HERSELF TO HER FEET)  Good!  See you in Court. 

(ARNOLD WALKS QUICKLY OUT OF THE ROOM, CLUTCHING THE JEWELLERY BOX.  CAROLINE CURLS UP IN THE CHAIR, QUIETLY WEEPING)

ACT 2 

SCENE 9 

AM.  INT.  LYTHGOE'S MISTRESS'S HOUSE.  (AS SCENE 3) BOTH SITTING CLOSE ON THE SETTEE.  ONE COULD BE FORGIVEN FOR PRESUMING THE TWO HAD EARLIER BEEN MAKING LOVE, JUDGING FROM THE FACT THAT THE NORMALLY IMMACULATE ARNOLD LYTHGOE IS IN HIS SHIRT SLEEVES, WITHOUT A TIE AND LOOKS A BIT UNTIDY ABOUT THE HAIR.  ANNETTE IS IN A DRESSING GOWN.  NORMALLY(!)  WELL MADE-UP.  DRINKS AND PAPERS ON THE SMALL TABLE IN FRONT OF THEM. 

LYTHGOE:  Glad I don't have to rush off, Annette darling.  The Commons evening session IS important, though. 

ANNETTE:  That gives us plenty of time to talk, Arnold, doesn't it? 

LYTHGOE:  (PUTTING HIS ARM ROUND HER)  Talk! I'd rather have more sexy cuddles!  I DO love you, Annette.  The sooner I can share my life with you, the better. 

ANNETTE:  Well, you've only got to tell your wife the truth!  How are things on that front at the moment?  (SIPPING HER DRINK AND LOOKING 'UNDER HER EYES' AT ARNOLD. 

LYTHGOE:  We had a bust-up yesterday – over money, 'loans' initially, but it developed into a full-scale row.  So the process has started! 

ANNETTE:  Good!  I hope divorce was mentioned (SMILES BROADLY) 

LYTHGOE:  It was.  Caroline confessed to have a lover! 

ANNETTE:  No! How come? 

LYTHGOE:  He rang her while I was there. 

ANNETTE:  And…? 

LYTHGOE:  So I am going to sue her for divorce and costs…Her intention – she can afford the award which I am going to claim… 

ANNETTE: On the grounds she has pulled out of the business contract you had with her…apart from anything else?  That right? 

LYTHGOE:  Exactly right.  She doesn't really know what I am worth.  Sees only what I want her to see.  That's the beauty of having a secret personal dollar account!  (PLEASED WITH HIMSELF) 

ANNETTE:  Oh, this is good news!  Just what I want to hear. 

LYTHGOE:  At the moment things are static…but not for long, Annette.

ANNETTE:  You mean divorce has been only mentioned, but…  

LYTHGOE:  (BREAKS IN)  The situation ended in a brawl, I have to say, when justifiably I seized some jewellery pieces we jointly owned. 

ANNETTE:  This happened only yesterday you said? 

LYTHGOE:  It did.  Told her I wasn't coming back! 

ANNETTE:  Where did you intend to stay, darling?  (LAUGHINGLY) 

LYTHGOE:  I was hoping it would be here.  But if not…(GRINS) 

ANNETTE:  As long as you like.  Will you get divorce proceedings moving as soon as possible, Arnold? 

LYTHGOE:  Naturally.  I suspect Caroline secretly hopes that a confession from her will result in a sort of trade-off whereby I confess in my turn… 

ANNETTE:  …and things might blow over with you changing your tune? 

LYTHGOE:  Something like that. 

ANNETTE:  She doesn't as yet know anything about me? 

LYTHGOE:  No.  I've been very careful about that. 

ANNETTE:  Well, this is wonderful, Arnold.  (KISSING HIM, HOLDING HIM CLOSE AND GAZING UP INTO HIS EYES) 

LYTHGOE:  On the other hand, Annette, there is always the possibility that Caroline does know something. 

ANNETTE:  But it won't make any difference to us, will it, Arnold. 

LYTHGOE:  Of course not.  But it would be better if it did not come out just yet…with all this Parliamentary inquiry going on! 

ANNETTE:  The Select Committee? 

LYTHGOE:  And others!  (BITTERLY).  Pointing their fingers, talking about declaring interests.  Hypocrites!  Most of them.  They think no-body will take any notice as long as THEY declare.  Declaring a general interest, avoiding specifics, is no use.  It just allows them to bury their snouts in the trough with impunity.  I hate such people!  (SPOKEN WITH SOME VENOM) 

ANNETTE:  I don't think I'd like most of your colleagues in the House. 

LYTHGOE:  Pretending to be whiter than white by the simple stratagem of accusing others. 

ANNETTE:  Sounds a good club to belong to…if you can get away with it! 

LYTHGOE:  Naturally I haven't taken it lying down.  I've fought my corner…defending myself in the chamber…and…and…attacking what I see as underhand tactics on the part of my detractors. 

ANNETTE:  What about giving evidence to the Committee?  Any harsh questioning?  Anything difficult to answer? 

LYTHGOE:  Not really.  As long as you have your wits about you.  As I say, many of them have something to hide so they themselves have a vested interest in not probing too far! 

ANNETTE:  And your business interests? 

LYTHGOE:  Going along as nicely as ever!  Especially the Banks and the Middle East connections.  Nothing to worry about there. 

ANNETTE:  Ibin…Khan, is that his name?  As useful as ever?  

LYTHGOE:  More than ever. 

ANNETTE:  Good, glad to hear it.  No adverse effect on your influence? 

LYTHGOE:  I still have the ear of Cabinet Ministers.  They appreciate how helpful I can be, especially where oil interests are concerned.  Of course, they pretend to be offhand… 

ANNETTE:  … but really are glad of your help? 

LYTHGOE:  They are.  Only thing I'm deeply unhappy about is the local constituency party…or the committee, I should say. 

ANNETTE:  Namely the decision to deselect? 

LYTHGOE:  (BY THIS TIME ANNETTE HAS WITHDRAWN INTO A CORNER OF THE SETTEE, AND RESUMED HER DRINK.  ARNOLD STANDS UP, LOOKS AT HIS WATCH, POURS HIMSELF ANOTHER)  Plenty of time for another.  You all right? 

(PHONE RINGS.  ANNETTE TAKES IT)  Hello!  (PAUSES AND LISTENS)  That's funny…no-one answered. 

LYTHGOE:  Must be wrong number.  They realised at once. 

ANNETTE:  But my number is ex-directory! 

LYTHGOE:  I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.  (ANNETTE RESUMES HER SEAT)  (RETURNING TO THE EARLIER SUBJECT)  You know I thought I'd appeal to the U.N. Convention on Human Rights? 

ANNETTE:  No, I didn't 

LYTHGOE:  Yes, against all these conspiracies. 

ANNETTE:  And? 

LYTHGOE:  I approached the Attorney General.  He refused to help.  Preferred to let sleeping dogs lie.  Frightened of stirring up trouble. 

ANNETTE:  Meanwhile…your local campaign?  As an Independent? 

LYTHGOE:  Doing my best…sent an open letter to my constituents and a copy of my election address to every MP.  I met with my local officers and left them in no doubt about my intentions.  (STILL STANDING OR WALKING ABOUT THE FLOOR)  I see you've got a copy of Dod's 'Parliamentary Companion'  (LOOKING AT THE BOOKCASE AND TAKING IT OUT) 

ANNETTE:  Of course!  They're your so-called colleagues, aren't they? 

LYTHGOE:  (GLANCING THROUGH IT)  SOME of them are! 

ANNETTE:  Sit down, Arnold.  Here, next to me.  (ARNOLD PUTS THE BOOK ON THE TABLE IN FRONT)  Time to read later!  (SOMEWHAT COQUETTISHLY)  (HE SITS) 

LYTHGOE:  (ARM ROUND ANNETTE)  Should get the cheque any day now at all events. 

ANNETTE:  (darts an enquiring look at her lover) What cheque? 

LYTHGOE:  You know.  The one via my Middle East friend…for that report I did. 

ANNETTE:  Oh that one.  I had forgotten which one – you receive so many!  (HUMOROUSLY)  How much was it for now? 

LYTHGOE:  £45,000!  Worth every penny!  Naturally I didn't tell Caroline this.  I said it was only £30,000.  The difference will go into my personal dollar account.  (SEEMS PLEASED WITH HIMSELF AT THIS DUPLICITY) 

ANNETTE:  Good for you! 

LYTHGOE:  Well.  I'll need it…correction…we'll need it to help develop our business contacts – when we are together. 

ANNETTE:  Anything you want to facilitate matters…cash for start up purposes…you know I will be there to help, Arnold.  With your 'additions' shall we say to your Parliamentary salary and my backing… 

LYTHGOE:  (FINISHING OFF HER SENTENCE)  …we can't go wrong! 

ANNETTE:  What's more, Arnold – my contributions won't be 'loans'! 

(FRONT DOOR BELL RINGS) 

ANNETTE:  Wonder who this can be.  Somebody selling something no doubt.  Just a minute.  (RISES AND GOES AS IF TO THE FRONT DOOR AND AS IF OPENING IT SHE FINDS THE VISITOR IS CAROLINE LYTHGOE)  (GASP OF ASTONISHMENT FROM ANNETTE) 

CAROLINE:  Hello!  Surprised?  I presume my husband's here, (ICILY)  (BRUSHES PAST ANNETTE AND ENTERS THE ROOM WHERE SHE CONFRONTS A BEWILDERED ARNOLD LYTHGOE) 

ARNOLD:  How…how did…? 

CAROLINE:  …I know?  Ways and means – just as in Parliament!  Thought I’d find you here…in your little nest!  No wonder you did not object to divorce. 

ANNETTE:  Arnold and I love each other,  he has told me about his row with you.  And your confession to having a lover! 

ARNOLD:  (HAVING GATHERED HIS COMPOSURE)  Annette and I want to get married…after my divorce is finalised. 

CAROLINE:  (STANDING – LOOKING ELEGANT DESPITE ALL)  I won't stand in your way.  (PARTING SHOT AS SHE LEAVES, TO ANNETTE)  word of advice.  Don't trust him.  Good luck…you'll need it! 

(THE LIGHT IS DIRECTED ONTO THE DISMAYED FACES OF ANNETTE AND ARNOLD AS CAROLINE WALKS OUT)

SCENE 10 

EVENING  INT.  A.L.'s CONSTITUENCY OFFICE (AS IN SC. 5) MEETING OF THE THREE OFFICERS, WITH LYTHGOE TO VOICE THEIR LATEST DISQUIETS ABOUT THEIR MP.  LYTHGOE AND THE CHAIR,  MRS JOAN LATHAM, ALTEADY SEATED ROUND A TABLE:  MRS LATHAM ON ONE OF THE SHORT SIDES; LYTHGOE (NEXT TO HER) BUT ON ONE OF THE LONG SIDES I.E. HE IS FACING THE AUDIENCE.  TWO AS YET UNOCCUPIED CHAIRS:  ONE NEXT TO LYTHGOE:  ONE ON THE OTHER SHORT SIDE I.E. FACING MRS LATHAM.  WATERJUG, PAPERS, NOTEPAPER, PENS, ON TABLE. 

LYTHGOE:  (WITH IRRITATION)  When are the other two coming?  I can't wait all night. 

LATHAM:  They're not due just yet.  Not until 7.30.  I thought the two of us meeting early would give us time to talk before the others came – if we wish to!  (LOOKS QUICKLY – DIRECTLY AT LYTHGOE) 

LYTHGOE:  (SHARPLY)  All I wish to know is whether you've made any effort to dissuade the local committee from their precipitate course of action…and what time this meeting is scheduled to finish!  (LAST PART SARCASTIC) 

LATHAM:  We can't work miracles, Arnold.  The meeting's due to finish when we have aired our views…or when the caretaker comes to lock up…whichever is the earliest!  You know the form. 

LYTHGOE:  (POURING HIMSELF A GLASS OF WATER WHICH HE OCCASIONALLY SIPS)  I take it this is another chance for the officers to tell me what a bad boy I've been – in their eyes! 

LATHAM:  At the moment you are still our democratically elected MP and as such we have the right to meet with you…to discuss matters, shall we say. 

(FOOTSTEPS ARE HEARD <IF POSSIBLE> APPROACHING THE OPEN DOOR TO THE OFFICE AND DORIS AND JAMES ENTER, IN THAT ORDER) 

DORIS:  Good evening!  Trust we're not late. 

JAMES:  Evening. 

LATHAM:  Have a seat.  Doris, you here (INDICATING THE PLACE NEXT TO LYTHGOE)  James, there (INDICATING THE PLACE AT THE SHORT END)  (IDEALLY THE TABLE SHOULD BE ABOUT 2 FT BY 5 FT) 

LYTHGOE:  Ok, can we start?  You called the meeting.  (HE LOOKS INTERROGATIVELY AT MRS LATHAM) 

LATHAM:  Most of what we've got to say reflects not only our views but those of committee members also.  But we've asked for this meeting mainly to clarify certain key issues affecting this constituency. 

LYTHGOE:  Fire away!  (IMPATIENTLY) 

THE TWO LATEST COMERS COULD BE POURING DRINKS FROM THE CARAFES, SORTING PAPERS, ETC.  LYTHGOE SHOULD HAVE PEN IN HAND AS IF ABOUT TO MAKE NOTES WHICH HE DOES FROM TIME TO TIME.  OCCASIONALLY, JOAN LATHAM READS FROM A SHEET OF PAPER, BUT NOT THE SAME PIECE EVERY TIME. 

LATHAM:  First of all.  This open letter to all your constituents.  'Open' in the sense that it is going to be published in the local newspaper…and anywhere else where you think it may catch the eye? 

LYTHGOE:  You received my covering note.  Weren't my intentions clear?  (SARCASTIC) 

LATHAM:  All too clear, Arnold, if I may say so.  We believe much of what you allege in the letter is…is…unproven, shall we say,  and that it is likely to do more harm than good to the Party cause. 

JAMES:  Alleging 'deselection by the media' as you do, suggests that we in the local party are swayed by hearsay, rather than the facts.  (JAMES HAS NOT FORGOTTEN THE INSULT OF THE EARLIER MEETING WHERE HE WAS ADDRESSED AS 'MR TREASURER'  ETC.) 

LYTHGOE:  Facts!  What facts?  Most of it untrue! 

DORIS:  Is it, Arnold?  Lots of people believe it. 

LATHAM:  You make great play of your determination 'to fight on' – as you put it, which only indicates to the voters a damaging split in the hierarchy.  Some of them won't know who to support, and as a result go for another candidate altogether.  They… 

LYTHGOE:  Rubbish!  Course they won't!  They know my track record. 

JAMES:  Too true!  (HEAVY SARCASM)  (LYTHGOE DARTS A VENOMOUS GLANCE AT JAMES AND IS ABOUT TO SPEAK, WHEN LATHAM BREAKS IN) 

LATHAM:  'Always acted honourably' - it says here, Arnold.  Unfortunately, not everyone sees it that way.  Perhaps it might be best to omit this expression.  What do you think…so far? 

LYTHGOE:  Of your strictures?  Not a lot, frankly. 

LATHAM:  Then there is the matter of the election address…which I presume you are determined to issue – despite not being the official candidate. 

LYTHGOE:  OF COURSE I AM DETERMINED TO USE IT!  Why do you think I've written it?  Show people I am serious about my chances.  Do you actually expect me to withdraw it?  Preposterous suggestion!  (LYTHGOE GETS UP FROM HIS SEAT AND WALKS/PACES ABOUT IN SOME AGITATION NEAR THE BACK OF THE ROOM.  THE OTHERS LOOK AT HIM.) 

LATHAM:  Naturally we aren't saying you should drop your address, as you're clearly going to stand.  We're just suggesting that some of the phrasing could be altered – such as the reference to 'trial by the media', 'betrayal by local officials'. And cautioning people not to vote for a 'Candidate who has yet to prove herself' – and so on.  This sort of thing could be toned down…Arnold, don't you think? 

LYTHGOE:  No, I don't 

DORIS:  I do believe some of it is misleading – and derogatory. 

LYTHGOE:  I don't care what you believe.  (REALLY ANGRY NOW.  RAISED VOICE.  STANDING STILL – DEFIANTLY) 

LATHAM:  No need to be rude, Arnold. 

LYTHGOE:  You'd be rude if you were subjected to all this claptrap.  (LOOKS AT HIS WATCH)  Anything else? 

LATHAM:  Well, our misgivings concern not just local matters, Arnold.  We are not happy to hear you had tabled a Commons Motion condemning the Leader of the House as some sort of Machiavellian figure, conspiring against you, and accusing him and others of, quote, 'dirty tricks'. 

LYTHGOE:  I had…have…good grounds for so doing…grounds you probably are not even aware of! 

(DORIS JUMPS IN) 

DORIS:  We can all read Hansard! 

LATHAM:  Unsubstantiated accusations only bring the constituency you represent into disrepute. 

LYTHGOE:  I've already answered that!  (PETULANTLY)  Any more?  (HE RESUMES HIS CHAIR) 

LATHAM:  And now we've heard whispers of a possible withdrawal of the whip. 

JAMES:  Correct me if I'm wrong, but this would mean that you'd effectively be debarred from Party matters. 

LYTHGOE:  Pure speculation.  It hasn't happened and my guess is that it won't.  So don't worry your little heads! 

(LYTHGOE REALISES THIS IS A BARB TOO FAR AND HASTILY CARRIES ON) 

LYTHGOE:  Don't mean to be insulting, but it is all a very stressful situation for me.  (CONCILIATORY)  You can see this.  I wouldn't mind if it were all true – what you're acting upon.  As I see it an injustice is being done. 

LATHAM:  (IGNORES COMPLETELY THIS LAST PLEA)  Well, I can see it is stressful at the moment…particularly.  (HEAVY EMPHASIS ON THE LAST WORD) 

LYTHGOE:  meaning? 

LATHAM:  Your marital affairs. 

LYTHGOE:  None of your concern.  Private matters. 

LATHAM:  How can anything be private, hidden, in a prominent MP's life?  After all, you are a public servant, paid from the public purse, to play a public role.  Anything you do CAN be in the public domain for good or ill. 

LYTHGOE:  I will don't see how my private life… 

LATHAM   (INTERRUPTING):  Voters have heard of the divorce wrangle between you and your wife, and are turned off by it…especially when they perceive rightly or wrongly that your behaviour has been less than gentlemanly…less than they expected from their representative in Parliament. 

LYTHGOE:  You have heard no doubt the saying that there are two sides to every story?  (HEAVY SARCASM) 

JAMES:  What is your story about the taking of the jewellery? 

DORIS:  To say nothing about the assault on your wife?  She could have pressed charges for this. 

LATHAM:  Whatever the truth of the case, Arnold, you have not come well out of it…and damaged the cause in this area.  If the terms of the settlement are to be believed…the threat of jail hanging over your wife's head, the punitive award to you… 

LYTHGOE:  (RISES TO HIS FEET AGAIN AND MOVES OVER TO THE DOOR)  She sued.  I only got what was my due.  (STRAINED TONES)  The jewellery was mine anyhow.  If she wanted a divorce there was no way I was going to allow her to keep this.  (VIRTUALLY SHOUTING)  Anyway, why am I explaining?  It's not for you to pry. 

LATHAM:  Just one more thing, Arnold.  Why was it that you threatened Caroline with the rigour of the law when it appears you have married another, even wealthier woman?  This above everything sticks in people's craw. 

JAMES:  Greed, sheer greed…and lack of scruple. 

LYTHGOE:  Have you finished?  Thanks for your support.  (SARCASTIC)  (HAND ON DOOR KNOB, PREPARATORY TO LEAVING.  THE THREE OFFICERS ARE NOW ON THEIR FEET, LOOKING AT THE ABOUT TO DEPART LYTHGOE)  Know something?  (LOOKING AT JAMES)  You may be right!  Defeat, if it comes, means I will get my resettlement grant…so there is some compensation!  It means also I'll live to fight another day – but not for this constituency…no, never again. 

LATHAM:

DORIS:

JAMES:  (LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND AFTER THE VANISHED FIGURE OF LYTHGOE, BUT NO-BODY SAYS A WORD.  RELIEF ONLY IS 'AUDIBLE')

SCENE 11 

AM.  INT.  OFFICE OF THE CHIEF WHIP IN WESTMINSTER.  (SAME AS IN SCENE 2 AND 6).  L's WIFE (EX, BY THIS TIME) IS BEING SHOWN INTO THE OFFICE BY THE CHIEF WHIP, ANDREW GALE. 

CAROLINE:  Nice of you to spare the time, Mr. Gale.  Much appreciated. 

GALE:  Call me Andrew.  Everybody else does!  Take a seat.  (THEY SIT IN ARMCHAIRS OPPOSITE TO EACH OTHER – OBLIQUELY.  CAROLINE IS CLUTCHING SOME PAPERS WHICH SHE DEPOSITS ON THE DESK BETWEEN, BUT SLIGHTLY BEHIND, THE TWO) 

GALE:  You wanted to see me…about Arnold? 

CAROLINE:  Yes…as I said over the phone, there are things you should know about. 

GALE:  One advantage of being a Whip!  You do get to know a few personal details.  Never know when these may come in useful!  (JOCULAR, TO PUT CAROLINE AT HER EASE) 

CAROLINE:  You know I am divorced now…from Arnold? 

GALE:  I had heard.  Bit messy, wasn't it? 

CAROLINE:  Especially concerning the financial details!  He alleged breach of contract…among other things…anyway the result was that he was awarded quite a substantial amount of money, plus costs. 

GALE:  I understand you were willing for him to take the legal initiative? 

CAROLINE:  But not to the punitive so-called settlement…and the high costs awarded.  Want to see the details, Mr. Gale, Andrew?  I have a copy of everything here.  (HOLDING UP A SHEAF OF PAPERS FROM THE DESK) 

GALE:  I don't want to seem rude, Mrs. Lythgoe…Caroline, but do I need to be told all the details…well, about the divorce, I mean. 

CAROLINE:  Maybe not about that – but other things I'm sure. 

GALE:  It's certainly true that knowledge is power!  And God knows the more information we Whips have about some of our MPs the more unlikely they are to need coercing…to toe the line, Caroline, you know, to vote! 

CAROLINE:  I think what information I have, will be of help.  (SMILINGLY) 

GALE:  Sure it will. 

CAROLINE:  Especially to the Members' Interests Committee which is meeting now? 

GALE:  It would.  Much of the so-called 'evidence' adduced by the committee probing into Arnold's background is, I have to admit, based on a good deal of hearsay.  If you had concrete evidence… 

CAROLINE:  (BREAKING IN)  …This is exactly what I've got, Andrew.  You see I am the classic woman scorned!  (LAUGHS)  I don't think that my ex-husband should be allowed to get away with his…misdemeanors, for want of a stronger word.  That of course is why I'm here. 

GALE:  You can furnish proof of Arnold's deception…over the years? 

CAROLINE:  Yes, I can.  I only hope my revelations will…'somehow?' get back to the Leader of the House…and the Chair of the Select Committee. 

GALE:  Quite possible!  (HE SMILES)  No objections to the PM himself? 

CAROLINE:  (SMILES BACK)  Not really!  It's all here…the proof.  CAROLINE STANDS AND PICKS UP THE PAPERS – OR SOME OF THEM)  After he left, before the divorce, I went through his private papers…before he had time to remove them.  I made photo-copies.  All here.  I don't think he suspects I've even seen them.  (SHE HANDS SOME OF THE PAPERS TO GALE) 

GALE:  (LOOKING AT THEM)  Very interesting.  I see there are some here headed…a company you jointly owned…a consultancy…which he never declared.  Did he have…? 

CAROLINE:  …A controlling share?  Yes, he did.  70% to my 30%. 

GALE:  I would like to retain these for the time being…to read at my leisure, as it were. 

CAROLINE:  (SITTING DOWN)  Help yourself.  These are only a selection.  There are more.  I can get them if need be. 

GALE:  It seems clear from only a quick look at these documents Arnold has been deceiving the House for a long time over the closeness of his commercial interests with some big firms…declaring only a general interest when it is quite clear that his connection is specific…or simply not declaring at all. 

CAROLINE:  Just so!  He has been deceiving us both! 

GALE:  How can such a busy man possibly find time to attend to his constituents?  (SARCASM). 

CAROLINE:  He can't – and never did! 

GALE:  You mentioned earlier about the Leader?…of the Commons.  He would be most interested to see these documents. 

CAROLINE:  Feel free.GALE:  You know there is no love lost between him and…your ex-husband?  In fact, he has been agitating for some time now to have Arnold withdrawn from the whip so he would be delighted…notwithstanding our thin majority. 

CAROLINE:  He suggested the suspension in the first place? 

GALE:  The very man! 

CAROLINE:  Sounds a good person to acquaint! 

GALE:  This is not all?  You mentioned something about 'freebies' I would be interested to know about. 

CAROLINE:  Most of these trips abroad, funded by business or lobbying firms, were never declared.  But this is not the worst.  Some were!  Flight tickets, given free, were declared as legitimate expenses incurred in the line of duty, claimed as such, and later put against income tax!  How low can you get? 

GALE:  The worrying thing is that Arnold isn't the only one perpetrating such frauds.  It seems he's the best example, though. 

CAROLINE:  Clearly Westminster is aware of these abuses, otherwise the Select Committee on Interests wouldn't appear to be so thorough in its meetings at present. 

GALE:  Quite right.  People like your husband…ex, I should say…are bringing the House into disrepute.  Showing politicians to be untrustworthy. 

CAROLINE:  (AS GALE PUT THE PAPERS INTO HIS BRIEF CASE)  Talking about being untrustworthy.  Allow me to regale you with a personal detail.  You all know of Arnold's strong connections with the Middle East…going back to before he became an MP? 

GALE:  Yes.  He traded heavily on them…still does. 

CAROLINE:  Well, I don't suppose you are aware that he compiled a report for Middle East oil concern…advising them, and such like…for which he received a handsome cheque. 

GALE:  I've heard rumours of it, but that's all. 

CAROLINE:  The point is that the money, some £45,000…yes, it was a good recompense – as I can see by your look…should have gone into the company we, Arnold and I, jointly owned…particularly as I had given him the start-up money, £35,000, to establish the company in the first place. 

GALE:  I can guess.  He put it into a private account. 

CAROLINE:  Not only that…he told me he had received only £25,000 for the report!  He said he would put it where it belonged – in the company's funds…but instead he put it in his personal dollar account…of which I knew nothing at the time.

GALE:  He had no compunctions about deceiving the wife who had helped him financially and in every other way! 

CAROLINE:  In character, don't you think? 

(SUDDENLY THE DOOR IS PUSHED WIDE AND ARNOLD LYTHGOE ENTERS IN SOME AGITATION, TAKING A FEW STEPS, UNINVITED, INTO THE OFFICE)  (CAROLINE AND GALE STAND UP IN ASTONISHMENT) 

LYTHGOE:  Heard you were both here…having a tête-à-tête about bold, bad me, I suppose? 

GALE:  This is a private meeting, Arnold.  You've got no right to barge in here.  If you want to see me, make an appointment like everybody else. 

LYTHGOE:  (INCENSED)  It's not just you I want to see!  Both of you will do! 

CAROLINE:  Arnold…I'm not your wife any longer for you to manipulate…and…deceive. 

LYTHGOE:  I've every right to talk to you.  And to my Chief Whip, come to that. 

GALE:  But not to barge in, unannounced, when… 

LYTHGOE:  (INTERRUPTING)  When what, may I ask?  When she (LOOKS AT HER)  is telling a pack of lies about me.  I've got the right to defend myself! 

GALE:  Calm down, Arnold.  Take a seat (BRINGING ONE UP)  (A.L. DECLINES AND REMAINS STANDING)  What's the problem that won't wait? 

LYTHGOE:  Basically, she is! 

(CAROLINE AND GALE RESUME THEIR SEATS BUT SWIVEL ROUND TO FACE LYTHGOE) 

CAROLINE:  Am I a problem then, Arnold?  Or is it yourself? 

LYTHGOE:  What are all these papers?  Fabricated, incriminating evidence? 

GALE:  As a matter of fact Arnold, they are – but not fabricated. 

LYTHGOE:  I presume she did not tell you that she had a lover? Blamed it all on me, I suppose. 

GALE:  As a matter of fact she didn't but this was not the purpose of her visit…to allocate blame… 

CAROLINE:  The Courts will decide this, Arnold.  I will appeal against the amount of the award.  Round one to you…but we shall see… 

LYTHGOE:  Appeal all you want, Caroline.  See if I care. 

GALE:  Please!  I don't want to be drawn into a domestic dispute.  Do you want to speak to me privately…or to Caroline? 

LYTHGOE:  No.  As I already said, both of you. (A.L.     HAVING RECOVERED SOME OF HIS COMPOSURE, ADOPTS A MORE CHARACTERISTIC SUAVE MANNER) Didn`t mean to enter so hastily.  .  (SPEAKS TO GALE – IGNORES CAROLINE)  I just saw red when I was told of her presence…and that she had come to see you, Andrew.  I didn't know what poisonous rubbish she was telling you. 

CAROLINE:  You lout, you!  I hate you!  (SHE RISES, RUSHES OVER TO LYTHGOE, AND SMACKS HIS FACE.  LYTHGOE LOOKS ASTONISHED AND STEPS BACK.  CAROLINE BURSTS INTO TEARS AND COLLAPSES INTO HER CHAIR.  GALE RISES TO COMFORT HER, PUTTING HIS ARM AROUND HER) 

LYTHGOE  (RUBBING HIS CHEEK):  Now you can see what she's like! 

GALE:  Caroline, don't.  He's clearly not worth it.  (ADDRESSING LYTHGOE)  I think you'd better go now before you do any more mischief. 

LYTHGOE:  Touching scene!  Perhaps you were the one who phoned the other day! 

(GALE LOOKS PUZZLED)  (CAROLINE RECOVERS HERSELF) 

CAROLINE:  You really are despicable!  (LYTHGOE TURNS TO DEPART) 

CAROLINE:  Just one more thing before you go.  I intend to sue for the return of the £30,000 I lent you. 

LYTHGOE:  And the jewellery, no doubt (LOFTILY) 

CAROLINE:  Yes…now you've come to mention it!  See you in Court! 

(A.L. STRIDES QUICKLY AWAY FROM THE OFFICE.  GALE REMAINS HOLDING CAROLINE'S HAND:  SHE SEATED; HE STANDING)

SCENE 12 

AM.  INT.  LYTHGOE'S OFFICE AT THE HOUSE OF COMMONS (SIMILAR TO THAT IN SCENES 2,6,7)  LYTHGOE IN HIS OFFICE, PUTTING BOTTLES, GLASSES OUT ON A SMALL TABLE IN READINESS.  GOES TO HIS BOOKCASE, TAKES DOWN A BOOK (AVERAGE SIZE), LOOKS AT IT.  LEAVES IT OPEN, MAYBE FACE DOWN, ON THE LARGER TABLE MORE CENTRAL TO THE ROOM.  THERE ARE PAPERS, BOOKLETS, WORD PROCESSING DISCS ON THE TABLE.  AMONG THE BOOKLETS ON THE TABLE IS WHAT PURPORTS TO BE A COPY OF 'REGISTER OF MEMBERS INTERESTS' AND THE BOOK TAKEN FROM THE BOOKCASE PASSES FOR 'VACHER'S EUROPEAN COMPANION AND CONSULTANTS REGISTER'.  HE IS CLEARLY PREPARING FOR A VISITOR. 

(KNOCK ON CLOSED DOOR.) 

LYTHGOE:  Come in. 

(KHAN OPENS THE DOOR AND STEPS INSIDE TO SHAKE HANDS WITH LYTHGOE.) 

KHAN:  Nice to see you again, Arnold. 

LYTHGOE:  And you, Ibin.  Close the door, will you?  We shouldn't be disturbed. 

KHAN:  How are things?  (LYTHGOE TAKES A CHAIR AND MOTIONS KHAN TO DO THE SAME) 

LYTHGOE:  Well, there have been a few developments. 

KHAN:  Not all of them good.  I gather from your tone.  However, like the three Kings, I bring tidings of comfort…and…and…what do you say? 

LYTHGOE:  Joy!  I hope so! 

KHAN:  My commercial contacts want you to know they are very pleased with your efforts on their behalf, so far.  You have received the cheque for your report? 

LYTHGOE:  I have.  A drink?  You have long since given up abstemiousness, haven't you? 

KHAN:  Well, I have had to be pragmatic.  Abstinence and business do not mix! 

LYTHGOE:  Cheers!  Here's to us.  You were saying? 

KHAN:  Only that I and my consultancy firm are very grateful for pushing, diplomatically, I hasten to add, our interests.  Your retainer is confirmed for the future, as far as I can see. 

LYTHGOE:  How did the bidding go for the contracts in Bahrain and for the nuclear shelters?  The last thing I heard was that everything was going well…but I haven't heard for sure. 

KHAN:  'My' firms got them!  The building firm saw your support as crucial.  They won't forget it.  Seems like your letter to the Ambassador did the trick.  We – as reps of the firm – had a fruitful meeting with him! 

LYTHGOE:  I think it was the House of Commons notepaper! 

KHAN:  Keep up the good work.  Talking of which I gather you have been…still are…before this Committee – what do you call it? 

LYTHGOE:  Select…on Members' Interests.  Yes, you're right.  I'm still giving evidence. 

KHAN:  No mention of 'our' company?  The secrecy clause you signed? 

LYTHGOE:  No Problem.  As I've said before, probing too deeply would not be in some people's best interests.  Members of the Committee often themselves have something to hide! 

KHAN:  So as long as you can answer confidently…you need not be censured? 

LYTHGOE:  That's about it.  Yes. 

KHAN:  What's this I've heard about suspension, Arnold? 

LYTHGOE:  Nothing to worry about.  Suspension's only for a very limited time…I'll soon be out of it. 

KHAN:  You've had the whip withdrawn, that right…I had heard a rumour… 

LYTHGOE:  Means I'm a free agent, Ibin!  I don't have to toe the line.  Every cloud has a silver lining…(SEEING KHAN'S PUZZLED FACE)…sorry, just an expression.  Means good can come out of bad. 

KHAN:  You can still do your lobbying as before?  (A LITTLE WORRIED) 

LYTHGOE:  More than ever.  And it'll only be to the General Election…if that!  After I win the seat, it'll be all change, you'll see. 

KHAN:  Haven't you been deselected? 

LYTHGOE:  I'm going to stand as an Independent, Ibin.  My constituents will vote for me…they know me…they don't know anything about this Johnny-cum-lately. 

KHAN:  Sorry? 

LYTHGOE:  New to national politics.  She's got no chance. 

KHAN:  Glad to hear it. 

LYTHGOE:  After the Election I can extend my influence even further…no doubt about it.   In the meantime I can…probably have more time now!…to carry on arranging meetings, lunches and so on, between my clients – and yours – and Ministers. 

KHAN:  For the usual consideration, of course! 

LYTHGOE:  Of course! 

KHAN:  No problems on that score.  So you'll be able…go on…arranging introductions, fixing entertainment, laying on hospitality…as before? 

LYTHGOE:  I'm still an MP, don't forget, Ibin.  They haven't deprived me of that! 

KHAN:  A well-connected MP! 

LYTHGOE:  Mustn't stand still, Ibin, whatever we do! 

KHAN:  Must keep the hospitality rolling! 

LYTHGOE:  I've been thinking, Ibin…about the benefits of an offshore tax haven. 

KHAN:  Yes?  Tell me more. 

LYTHGOE:  I could set up a Bermudan Trust…as a tax avoidance scheme.  You and I could both benefit…and our clients as well! 

KHAN:  Brilliant!  Go ahead!  Need any pump-priming, I think you call it?…money?  Just let me know.  Oh, I nearly forgot.  Something else I should mention.  I…(HIS WORDS ARE CUT OFF BY THE SOUND OF A KNOCK ON THE DOOR) 

LYTHGOE:  I'll get it.  Probably just a messenger. 

(GOES TO DOOR, OPENS IT:  STANDING THERE IS ANDREW GALE.  THE CHIEF WHIP.) 

GALE:  Sorry if I'm intruding.  Can I come in? 

LYTHGOE:  (THROWN OFF BALANCE).  Do.  You're welcome (BUT WITHOUT CONVICTION)  (GALE STANDS A FEW PACES INSIDE.  HE LOOKS AT KHAN) 

LYTHGOE:  You know Ibin Khan? 

KHAN:  (RISES.  STEPS FORWARD, OFFERS A HALF-HEARTED HANDSHAKE, WHICH GALE RECIPROCATES EQUALLY WITHOUT ENTHUSIASM) 

KHAN:  Pleased to meet you. 

GALE:  I do…more by repute.  I've seen him (SPEAKING TO LYTHGOE) in the corridors, lobbying for custom…but never in members' private offices (SOME SARCASM) 

LYTHGOE:  (IN AN ATTEMPT TO DEFUSE THE SITUATION):  Drink, Andrew?  Take a seat (PULLING ONE UP).  (KHAN SITS DOWN)  (GALE AND LYTHGOE REMAIN STANDING FOR THE MOMENT.  LYTHGOE POURING A DRINK) 

GALE:  Not for me, at the moment…thanks.  (HE IS CLEARLY UPSET) 

LYTHGOE:  What was it you wanted to see me about, Andrew?  (GALE AND LYTHGOE SIT DOWN) 

GALE:  The critical vote to-night – you got the three-line whip?  Essential to have full voting strength.  I know what a busy man you are! 

LYTHGOE:  I've not forgotten, if that's what you mean. 

GALE:  Well, I thought it would do no harm to remind you…By the way…while I'm here.  Select Committee tomorrow.  Apologies for mentioning it, but you did miss one session earlier? 

LYTHGOE:  Unavoidable.  I've explained all that. 

KHAN:  (STANDS UP)  I have to go now.  Leave you both to it (SMILES) 

GALE:  Just a minute.  (SERIOUS TONE)  (ADDRESSING LYTHGOE):  In view of the disquiet of the House at the moment about MPs abusing their positions, is it wise to be inviting representatives of foreign firms to your office? 

KHAM:  (BIT MIFFED)  Our relationship goes back a long way…before Arnold was an MP.  Surely we are entitled to discuss long-standing business matters without adverse comment from you!  (QUITE ANGRY NOW) 

LYTHGOE:  Did you know about Ibin being here, Andrew?  Was that the real purpose of your visit?  To see what I was up to (BITTER) 

GALE:  (IGNORES QUESTIONS):  As I understand it, you haven't mentioned your dealing with your friend yet…to the Select Committee? 

LYTHGOE:  Not yet 

GALE:  It's all about declaring. 

KHAN:  Arnold is a consultant to my company…that's all.  Nothing wrong with that is there?  (STILL STANDING) 

GALE:  The House wouldn't be pleased to hear that you disregard their…their wishes.  (STANDS UP AND MOVES TOWARDS THE DOOR).  Naturally They'll hear nothing from me, but other people have eyes also.  Don't forget to-night.  (HE GOES OUT) 

LYTHGOE:  (SEETHING)  The old fool!  About as subtle as a…a…bull in a china shop! 

KHAN:  All a bit obvious. 

LYTHGOE:  Let's forget him.  Back to business.  Look at this, (SHOWING KHAN THE VACHER).  Should be useful for European contacts.  (KHAN STANDS ALSO AND LOOKS AT THE BOOK) 

KHAN:  'European…Consultants Register'!  Sounds very promising! 

LYTHGOE:  Well, it seems Europe is where it's all at for the moment!  Should be worth while making a few soundings. 

KHAN:  (LOOKING AT THE PAPERS ON THE TABLE)  I see you've got a copy of 'Members' Interests.  Never read it myself.  Interesting? 

LYTHGOE:  Only as far as it goes!  (LAUGHS)  Just a blind, most of it. 

KHAN:  Blind? 

LYTHGOE:  Salves some consciences.  Declaring a little means you don't have to declare everything!  Or at least that's how some people see it.  By the way, you were going to say something…(KHAN LOOKS PUZZLED)…before old Gale so rudely interrupted 

KHAN:  We were talking about loans, money?  Brought it to mind.  (LYTHGOE LOOKS PUZZLED)  Oh, maybe nothing in it.  (IN RESPONSE TO LYTHGOE'S INQUIRING LOOK).  Concerns your wife…ex, I should say…Caroline.  I was dealing with another 'client' the other day…an MP who had offered his services for a consideration.  In the course of explaining why he had need for some extra – school fees, etc. – he let slip he had a mistress with expensive tastes.  She was another MP's wife…and had just been divorced.  You said you had been wondering who the mysterious phone caller was.  Could have been him…but I could be quite mistaken. 

LYTHGOE:  Who was it for God's sake? 

KHAN:  You'll never believe it.  None other than your interrogator-in-chief! 

FADE OUT

SCENE 13 

AM.  INT.  ROOM IN WESTMINSTER WHERE THE SELECT COMMITTEE ON MEMBERS' INTERESTS IS MEETING. 

(LIGHTING VERY IMPORTANT HERE, AS ONLY LYTHGOE AND THE CHAIRMAN OF THE COMMITTEE ARE TO BE SHOWN.  OTHER MEMBERS <AS IT WERE IN SHADOW> UNDERSTOOD.)  (BUSHELL BECOMES THEIR MOUTHPIECE, AS IT WERE)  (AT BEGINNING OF SCENE LIGHT IS ON THOMAS BUSHELL, THE CHAIR, READY SEATED <PREFERABLY BEHIND A DESK> AND LYTHGOE IS YET TO ARRIVE.  FOR A FEW MOMENTS, BUSHELL APPEARS TO BE WRITING ON HIS NOTEPAD…AND LOOKING AROUND, AS THOUGH IMPATIENT.  SOUND OF FOOTSTEPS AND LYTHGOE APPEARS IN THE DOORWAY) 

BUSHELL:  Nice of you to come, Arnold.  (HEAVY SARCASM)  Take a seat (NODS TOWARDS THE SEAT OPPOSITE – ALSO BEHIND A DESK) . Didn't get lost this time? 

LYTHGOE:  Sorry about last time.  I should have sent my apologies.  The fact was that it was the date of my divorce and hearing – when judgement was to be given about the award…and the costs.  An important day. 

BUSHELL:  Too important for your required attendance here!  The judgement would have gone ahead without your presence.  Sounds like bad management on someone's part. 

LYTHGOE:  Meaning me I presume? 

BUSHELL:  Well, I thought you'd have made this Committee your priority.  Would have saved us all twiddling our thumbs. 

LYTHGOE:  I have apologised – I can do no more. 

BUSHELL:  Your presence here now, as you are aware, is because of certain allegations made about you.  (GLANCES AT HIS NOTES)  These allegations involve a number of issues – lobbying in Parliament for firms, some of them foreign and in competition with British ones, not stating your specific interest in them when speaking in the chamber about them, and accepting free trips abroad contrary to the rules of the House; asking questions designed to promote the interests of these undeclared firms, businesses, consultancies…call them what you will…and only declaring your 'freebies' when you had to, or saw advantage, and then claiming them as legitimate tax deductible expenses.  Quite a catalogue!  What do you say to all these? 

LYTHGOE:  Where do you want me to begin?  (SARCASTIC) 

BUSHELL:  Anywhere will do as long as you cover all the issues.  One word of caution.  These are not merely speculative allegations.  Evidence has been given to the Committee.  Written and oral. 

LYTHGOE:  First of all.  I admit I could have been more specific about my 'commercial' interests.  I flatly deny claiming freebies, tickets and so on, as expenses, but admit I should have been more cautious about accepting them. 

BUSHELL:  (HAS A MANNERISM OF POINTING HIS PEN AT LYTHGOE IN HIGH MOMENTS OF INTERROGATION)  What about your lobbying for foreign firms? 

LYTHGOE:  As you know, these connections go back a good number of years – before I was an MP in fact.  You would not expect me to relinquish them…have no further interest in their futures…just because I became an MP?  These links, especially with the Middle East have proved advantageous to British industry.  Because of them I have been able to help Cabinet Ministers and indeed the Prime Minister himself on more than one occasion. 

BUSHELL:  The Parliamentary record of proceedings, Hansard, shows that you have asked a suspiciously high number of tendentious questions designed to elicit information useful to those businesses on whose behalf you were asking the question.  Unavoidably, the profile of these same business concerns was raised.  As you were often a paid 'consultant', you were effectively touting for business.  Isn't this it, in a nutshell? 

LYTHGOE:  No I categorically deny it.  Any questions asked were asked in good faith and with British interests at heart.  It was coincidental that I sometimes asked questions involving businesses in which I had an interest.  At no time was there any intention to deceive or mislead the House. 

BUSHELL:  And the non-declaration of interest in those cases where you were effectively on their books? 

(FROM TIME TO TIME, LYTHGOE DRINKS FROM HIS GLASS OF WATER:  A JUG IS PROVIDED.  HE SHUFFLES UNCOMFORTABLY IN HIS SEAT OCCASIONALLY. (HE APPEARS TO HAVE A COLD, BLOWING HIS NOSE, COUGHING ON OCCASION) 

LYTHGOE:  I must protest that I am by no means the only one! 

BUSHELL:  That's true.  But at the moment it is you who are under questioning…because to many people you are the most egregious example of the present malaise. 

LYTHGOE:  Not so.  Perhaps I have more detractors than some.  I cannot help it if people are envious of me! 

BUSHELL:  A bit flippant, if I may say so, Arnold, considering the gravity of the subject. 

LYTHGOE:  They make me sick, some of these so-called colleagues.  Everybody seems to have some sort of extra-parliamentary earner, should we say.  I know MPs who have themselves approached the professional lobbyists and effectively offered their services for sale.  Aren't you aware of this? 

BUSHELL:  It would be difficult not to be, admittedly.  But as I said before, it is you we are talking to.  Others can have their turn later! 

LYTHGOE:  You know as well as I do that we…take advantage of what we refer to as 'the escape route'.  We…I…have always abided by the letter of the law as laid down by the Westminster 'bibles' governing members' behaviour.  All that I have ever done is within the regulations laid down.  It's not my fault that the loose wording affords, in your eyes no doubt, MPs to stretch a point. 

BUSHELL:  What about the intended 'spirit' of the rules? 

LYTHGOE:  If you want to make ends meet, if you have lots of expenses you can't claim for, if as an MP you have a certain standard to maintain, if you have kids and a wife to support…you tend not to investigate every move you make for support…you tend not to investigate every move you make for its 'spirit'…you tend to take your opportunities and… 

BUSHELL:  …And cheat? 

LYTHGOE:  I will ignore that remark, Mr Bushell.  Unworthy of a Chairman. 

BUSHELL:  You think so? 

LYTHGOE:  Committee members (LOOKING ROUND THE ROOM) know only too well that the so-called rules have been drawn up, I venture to say, deliberately ambiguously to allow elected members to flout the regulations!  I, and many others, have only taken advantage of this loose wording…no, I did not mean that…taken the wording at its face value…and acted accordingly. 

BUSHELL:  And to hang with the scruples which we as guardians of the law, should abide by? 

LYTHGOE:  Let me quote…you do not appear to be aware of the wording (SARCASTIC.  HE TAKES WHAT ARE PHOTO-COPIED PAGES FROM SOME LARGER WORK, OUT OF HIS POCKET)  'Behaviour…is not contrary to the guide lines…when it does not affect conduct as a Member.'  This means that conduct is only reprehensible if it is performed in the actual chamber – like going round naked… or assaulting other Members.  In addition, it states that setting up a one-man consultancy business allows an MP not to declare the identity of his clients.  It's all here…in the latest edition.  According to this I have done nothing wrong. 

BUSHELL:  However we all know that conduct like yours serves only to bring the House into disrepute.  Perhaps before we go into detail about your many commercial interests, I could, on behalf of my fellow Committee Members, mention something else…a different matter…which is affording us some disquiet at the moment… 

LYTHGOE:  What?  You've got something else?  (SLIGHTLY RAISED SARCASTIC VOICE) 

BUSHELL:  This does concern your extra mural conduct. 

LYTHGOE:  Therefore it has no place here. 

BUSHELL:  It does, however, when the matter at issue arises from your dealing with foreign commercial concerns. 

LYTHGOE:  Can you clarify?  (AIR OF MYSTIFICATION) 

BUSHELL:  Certainly.  The matter of the cheque you received from a Middle East firm which you did not declare…and whose true value you hid from your then wife. 

LYTHGOE:  Matters between my wife and me are private. 

BUSHELL:  Not if they become common currency in and out of the House and again bring MPs' behaviour in the eyes of the public into disrepute.  Then it is our…this Committee's concern 

LYTHGOE:  Go on!  Make something out of nothing! 

BUSHELL:  Apparently you came out well from the Courts.  Awarded a very sizeable sum, with substantial costs.  When your ex wife paid 90% of the award to you she then appealed to the Courts claiming she did not have the remainder.  She appealed for more time to pay.  You it seems were not amenable to this request and pressed for the remainder, even though by this time you had acquired a new partner, wealthy in her own right and very willing to give you any money you needed…perhaps 'wanted' is more appropriate. 

LYTHGOE:  You are well informed!  No doubt you have been having a word with Mr… Gale! 

BUSHELL:  The point is that you were willing to see your long standing wife go to jail for a sum that you really didn't need.  It seems for some time she had the threat of jail hanging over her.  It was despicable conduct…especially as you were by no stretch of the imagination an innocent victim in all this. 

LYTHGOE:  I fail to see what relevance this has to the Select Committee on Members' Interests. 

BUSHELL:  It's all part and parcel of the inquiry.  It's all unacceptable behaviour.  And it all arises from your deception of Westminster in the first place which led you both to concealing the cheque from the House and its true amount from your wife. 

LYTHGOE:  You are scraping the barrel now! 

BUSHELL:  I think not.  I think I speak for the meeting (LOOKING ROOUND) when I say that we recommend to the Chief Whip and the Leader of the House that the whip be withdrawn from you…as soon as possible! 

(LIGHT ON A DISMAYED LYTHGOE, WHO SITS THERE, HEAD IN HANDS) 

FADE OUT.

SCENE 14 

AFTERNOON  INT.  H. OF COMMONS:  DEBATING CHAMBER (ONLY SUGGESTED:  SEE BELOW ABOUT THE LIGHTING).  ARNOLD LYTHGOE TO MAKE A SPEECH (FROM THE BACK BENCHES OF COURSE) PARTLY ON THE DEFENSIVE; PARTLY ON THE ATTACK.  HOLDS NOTES FROM WHICH HE READS OR REFERS TO, AS WELL AS HIS ORDER PAPERS.  ECCENTRIC BEHAVIOUR – DRESS (WEARING A BLACK CAPE) AND MANNERISMS:  (EMOTIONAL AT TIMES;  CLEARLY FEELS HIMSELF PERSECUTED; PLEADING AND THREATENING TONE BY TURNS; GESTICULATING AND POINTING).  CLEARLY A WORRIED MAN.  LIGHT ON HIM ALONE SHOWING HIM AS IF ADDRESSING THE HOUSE.  MEMBERS ARE AS IT WERE PRESENT BUT IN SHADOW – NEVER SHOWN.  ADVERSE OR CRITICAL COMMENTS FROM THE OPPOSITION COULD BE MADE AS VOICES OFF BY THE ACTORS WHO PLAYED THE PARTS OF THE ATTORNEY-GENERAL (THORPE) AND THE LOCAL PARTY TREASURER (JAMES) 

LYTHGOE:  (RISES TO HIS FEET, IN HIS BLACK CAPE – FROM THE BACK BENCHES) 

Mr Speaker, (NOT SHOWN).  (MOCKING CRIES OF 'BATMAN'. 'WHO'S DIED?' FROM THE OPPOSITION AS LYTHGOE STANDS.  <VOICES OF THORPE AND JAMES>.)      

As you see I am suitably attired in keeping with the attempts at character assassination!  (SMILES GRIMLY; BILLOWS OUT THE CLOAK WITH HIS ARMS).  My detractors, mainly on the opposite benches, but not entirely so, have instituted what I can only describe as a witchhunt and have for their own purposes conducted a vendetta against me.  Let me now state categorically that I am the innocent victim of cross party cabals.  These people have conspiratorial motives and as such are to be condemned.  They need a scapegoat to divert attention away from their own faults.  All I have done, has been done from patriotic motives – what is best for my country.  If gunning always for British interests is a sin, then…to quote…'I am the most sinning man alive'.  Questions I have asked, have been intended to effect scrutiny of the issues…by members.  I have tried only not to let matters through on the nod.  Raising the profile of this House on the world scene has not always been easy…and has led to misunderstanding of my purposes with Members.  I cannot state too strongly that I have always behaved honourably in this Chamber.  On occasion, I admit, I have omitted to spell out in detail an interest in subjects raised…but I am not alone in this.  I have already apologised to the House for these transgressions.  (LOOKS SUITABLY CHASTENED AT THE MOMENT!) 

When I spoke last week on the subject of Banks, I did not declare a specific interest because the debate was on the general topic of Banks' profits.  I simply reminded the House that their profits were not excessive and that lean years had to be balanced against fat years…that returns were cyclical and as such, balance sheets had to be looked at over a number of years to get the true picture.  I thought at the time that Members were in danger of voting for precipitate action which would not have been fair in the circumstances.  I bring this subject up as I believe it typical of the grounds on which I have been attacked;  (FLOURISHES GOWN)  (HECKLES FROM THE FLOOR:  'Not without cause':  VOICE OF THORPE;  'We believe you!':  VOICE OF JAMES. 

On the score of my relations with a long-standing Middle East business associate, I have to tell the House now that I have decided to sever all ties with my associate's consultancy company, believing that the commercial matters arising from the association were…are…detrimental, in some cases, I hasten to add, to the best interests of this country. 

Finally, Mr Speaker, may I quote the wording of the 'guides' or 'rules' governing Members' business or commercial interests.  I do so only for the benefit of those who are not familiar with them…so that they are not led into further error.  (MILD SARCASM)  (MORE HECKLES:  'Good of you!': VOICE OF THORPE:  'Go on! Justify yourself':  VOICE OF JAMES). 

It states that behaviour is only reprehensible if it does affect conduct AS A MEMBER.  An MP does not break the rules by not disclosing a consultancy, directorship or shareholding, when 'asking oral questions, submitting written questions, making brief interventions during debates, and sponsoring Commons motions.' 

Setting up a consultancy as I did is also legitimate in that clients' names are not disclosed…like in any other business.  Some of you may not know this…to paraphrase a well-known saying!  (ATTEMPT AT HUMOUR)  (HECKLES:  'Ethics! Ethics!:  VOICE OF THORPE;  'We don't know as much as you!':  VOICE OF JAMES) 

(LYTHGOE CONTINUES):  Mr Speaker, I now beg leave to introduce my Ten Minute Bill related to what I've just said, to be called 'Preservation of Privacy Bill'.  This, if passed, would have the effect of preventing unwarranted prying into an individual MP's affairs, personal and public i.e. commercial connections.  (HE READS FROM/LOOKS AT HIS NOTES) 

Clearly I would not want anyone to go through what I have been forced to go through over the last few months.  Much of the finger pointing has been based on ignorance, but mud once thrown tends to stick…until it is washed off!  I have been subjected to a campaign of vilification, largely I believe, through envy…not through an ardent desire to do good… as some see it.  I do admit that on occasion a conflict can arise between public and private duties, but these are rare…and no-one need speak if he (or she) foresees such a conflict.  It is only when a Member has information which would be of benefit to the House he feels he must speak – or ask questions.  On such occasions it is his duty to speak, but not necessarily to declare chapter and verse.  I believe a declaration of general interest is sufficient.  MPs would, self-evidently, be lesser people if they did not know about the 'real' world – the world in which most of their constituents live – if they were to dwell solely in the ivory towers of Westminster…cutting themselves off from commercial or business concerns.  Cultivation of these 'outside' interests, I consider to be of great importance to the rounded development of an MP.  Prying into them and branding them as illegal, unethical or what you will, is no path to take and will inhibit new and energetic blood coming into Parliament.  For these reasons, Mr. Speaker, I commend this measure to you. 

VOICE OF THORPE:  (BUT NOT SHOUTING:  AS IF TALKING TO HIS COLLEAGUES)  Transparently aimed at his own protection! 

VOICE OF JAMES (AS ABOVE UNDERSTOOD):  Would allow him to continue to get away with it! 

(LYTHGOE LEAVES HIS PLACE AND AS IF PRESENTING THE PROPOSED MEASURE TO THE SPEAKER, WALKS OFF IN HIS DIRECTION:  RIGHT AS THE AUDIENCE SEE IT – DISAPPEARS INTO THE SHADOW) (RETURNS AND STANDS ON THE FLOOR OF THE HOUSE – TO ONE SIDE:  LEFT, FROM AUDIENCE'S VIEW). 

LYTHGOE (HIS THOUGHTS ARE 'HEARD'.  NO MOVEMENT OF THE LIPS.  JUST STANDING THERE, HEARING THE RESULTS OF THE VOTING) 

So the 'Noes' have it.  Voted out.  Not the end of the fight, by a long way.  There's always next session.  After I've won the seat again in the General Election.

SCENE 15 

LATE NIGHT.  INT.  AN OFFICE IN THE TOWN HALL OF LYTHGOE'S CONSTITUENCY.  ELECTION NIGHT.  WAITING FOR THE DECLARATION OF RESULTS.  THE THREE LOCAL PARTY OFFICERS AT THE MOMENT TALKING TO A RATHER DESPONDENT LYTHGOE.  THE FOUR ARE SITTING IN EASY CHAIRS.  (THE CHOSEN FEMALE CANDIDATE, MORE SANGUINE, IS MEETING WITH, AND TALKING TO, PARTY ACTIVISTS OUTSIDE, IN THE HALL) 

LYTHGOE:  Not looking so good for me, I gather? 

JOAN LATHAM:  Well, you didn't really expect it to, did you, Arnold, under the circumstances?  After all, you are not the official candidate. 

LYTHGOE:  I suppose I should feel grateful you are talking to me! 

LATHAM:  Only courtesy.  You have served this constituency for some time now.  We don't want to ignore you! 

DORIS:  (ON A DIFFERENT TACK DESIGNED TO PREVENT THIS SITUATION BECOMING MAUDLIN)  Wonder how Miss Blyth is taking it?  Lots of new people to meet. 

JAMES:  Feeling a bit disappointed I should imagine, opposed by an Independent candidate…splitting the vote.  (IT IS CLEAR THAT JAMES STILL HARBOURS ANIMOSITY TOWARDS LYTHGOE) 

LYTHGOE:  What did you expect me to do?  Just lie down and take it?  (ANGRY) 

LATHAM:  It might have been better for the party if you HAD done so!  (TARTLY).  Of course, the revelations in the Sunday newspaper and that investigative programme on the tv the other night did not exactly do your cause any good.  They… 

LYTHGOE:  (INTERRUPTS)  scraping the barrel, I call it.  Load of rubbish.  Pure sensationalism – commercial tv will do anything to get ratings.  I haven't mentioned this, have I?  I'm going to sue for defamation. 

DORIS:  I saw the programme…and read the article.  Unfortunately, so did many other voters.  I must say I thought it was well researched. 

LYTHGOE:  But untrue! 

JAMES:  I wonder if it's wise to be threatening legal action?  Suppose you lost.  You would be in a worse position than ever…your guilt proved.  As it is… 

LYTHGOE:  As it is – I am a condemned man!  Without hearing my side of the story.  (LYTHGOE RISES AND GOES TOWARDS THE DOOR, OPENS IT AND PEEPS OUT)  Looks as if they're coming to the end of the count. 

LATHAM:  Better have a few words with our candidate.  See how she's getting on. 

JAMES:      Somehow, I don't think congratulations are in order.  People would have been coming in, forecasting good news… 

DORIS:  Yes, I think we'd better circulate. 

LATHAM:  Just before we do, Arnold…going back to the tv programme… 

LYTHGOE:  I know…I saw it.  (SITS DOWN) 

LATHAM:  They had Mr Khan on there.  I thought he was a long standing friend of yours? 

LYTHGOE:  Was, is the word. 

DORIS:  He seemed to be quite antagonistic towards you. 

LYTHGOE:  Since I resigned from his company! 

JAMES:  Why did you?  You had been thick as thieves once! 

LATHAM:  Unfortunate choice of words, James! 

JAMES:  (BEATS LYTHGOE TO IT)  You know what I mean.  Khan made great play of your resignation… 

LYTHGOE:  As I told the House, continued association with Khan was bringing me more and more into conflict with patriotic feelings. 

JAMES:  Not what HE said! 

LYTHGOE:  And what exactly did he say?  I must have missed it!  (SARCASM) 

JAMES:  Said that you had resigned because another of the firms paying you for advice, 'consultancy' as he called it, felt there was a clash of interests, and you decided it was opportune to pull out of his company. 

LATHAM:  The point being you did not declare your close connection with Khan's company. 

LYTHGOE:  It was no big deal.  Nothing to declare.  Nothing secretive about it. 

JAMES:  Then why did Khan flourish before the cameras the incriminating piece of paper which you apparently signed, stating you would keep secret any dealings with him…and never under any circumstances declare them? 

LYTHGOE:  He was an embittered man.  Such men will stoop to anything…even forgery. 

LATHAM:  So you deny the allegation? 

LYTHGOE:  Of course! 

(HE RISES AND SO DO THE OTHER THREE.  GATHERING OF PAPERS, CLOTHING, SETTING OF CHAIRS) 

DORIS:  All this can't have done your chances any good, Arnold. 

LATHAM:  Especially as knowledge about the withdrawal of the whip had also become common knowledge among the voters. 

JAMES:  Obviously, people saw you as yesterday's man. (GRINS) 

LYTHGOE:  We'll see about that. 

LATHAM:  Anyway, we'd better go.  Sorry to lose you, Arnold…apologies…I might be premature! 

DORIS:  (LOOKING OUT OF THE DOOR) 

Don't think so.  There's our candidate.  Let's go and talk to her.  The declaration can't be long off now.(PAUSE)   Seems like the opposition man, Gaskell, is the favourite. 

LATHAM:  Nearly time to take your place on the platform, Arnold. 

(THEY ALL GO OUT) 

(NEARLY ALL.  AS LYTHGOE TAKES HIS TIME MAKING AN ENTRACE INTO THE <SUPPOSED> HALL OUTSIDE:  SLOWLY GATHERING PAPERS, AND SO ON, CAROLINE, HIS EX-WIFE SLIDES QUICKLY INTO THE ROOM/OFFICE 

LYTHGOE:  Caroline!  What are you doing here? 

CAROLINE:  Don't I usually?  (ARCHLY) 

LYTHGOE:  Yes…but, under the circumstances…I didn't… 

CAROLINE:  …expect to see me? 

LYTHGOE:  The last person I expected! 

CAROLINE:  Thought you'd like to know.  (ARNOLD LOOKS QUIZZICAL)  Who phoned me that time…who my lover is.  I thought the information would make your night of triumph  (FORCED COUGH.  HEAVY SARCASM)…complete…as it were. 

LYTHGOE:  How thoughtful of you! 

CAROLINE:  We are both going to celebrate the result!  How…we'll leave to your imagination! 

LYTHGOE:  Bitch! 

CAROLINE:   Yes, Tom and I will be enjoying ourselves, while you… 

LYTHGOE:  Who?  (RAISED VOICE) Tom Bushell?  (INCENSED) 

CAROLINE:  Yes.  Didn't you notice how keen he was on his job as Chairman? And a member of the Opposition!  I'm sure Tom will shed no tears at your defeat.  Good-bye, Arnold.  (SHE WALKS QUICKLY OUT LEAVING A DUMBFOUNDED LYTHGOE) 

(LYTHGOE FOLLOWS AND AS IT WERE STANDS ON THE PLATFORM.  ONLY HE NEED BE SHOWN IN THE SPOTLIGHT.  VOICE OFF (OSTENSIBLY THE MAYOR) DECLARING THE RESULTS. 

"As Returning Officer I certify that the votes cast were as follows. 

Miss Susan Blyth, 19, 556

Mr Jeremy Gaskell, 21, 874

Mr David Hamill, 10, 226

Mr Arnold Lythgoe, 8, 091 

I therefore declare the aforementioned Jeremy Gaskell duly elected as Member for this constituency."

SCENE 16 

AFT.INT. LYTHGOE AT HIS MISTRESS`S HOME 

(ANNETTE IS SITTING IN AN ARMCHAIR READING. LYTHGOE COMES IN – A BOUNCE IN HIS STRIDE.) 

LYTHGOE: Guess what, Annette?  

ANNETTE: What , Arnold?  

LYTHGOE: I`ve been chosen as the prospective Parliamentary candidate! (OVERJOYED) Worth the journey. We can move now, darling. A safe seat too!  Now I can really pick up where I left off! 

(ANNETTE SMILES AND STANDS.  THEY EMBRACE) 

FADE OUT 

 © A.B. Finlay Ph.D