MEETING IN THE FOYER

            “Ken,

            Sorry to take you by surprise like this, but I must discuss this matter with you rather urgently. It concerns Michael, so I thought you would want to know. I realise you have not been  in touch with our son recently and he has taken a turn for the worse. A face to face meeting would be better than discussing the problem over the phone. I have been struggling to cope for quite some time now . Can you meet me somewhere soon?  Say in the foyer of the Festival Hall at 12.o`clock  next Friday? If I post this letter today, first class, then  that will give you a week. If you cannot make it , give me a ring over the weekend. Do your best – it is important.

Dorothy.. 

You can imagine my feelings on receiving this unexpected letter. What was the matter with Michael that had prompted my ex-wife , Dorothy, to write to me? We had not corresponded since the divorce five years ago and I admit I had not kept in touch with my son as I should have done. Somewhat naturally he did not entertain the highest regard for me ; after all, I had been the one to walk out . So I believed in letting sleeping dogs lie, leaving Michael to be looked after by his mother – with my financial contributions of course. The letter did not spell it all out ; the trouble could be anything, knowing Dorothy`s neurotic nature. It did sound as though Michael had tangled with the law. Whatever it was, I had to be there. I did,however, have certain misgivings , believing , or rather hoping, that things were not as bad as they seemed as Dorothy was always inclined to make mountains out of molehills. I also wondered whether there was an ulterior motive for this bolt from the blue. Our relationship HAD ended the day I had left.

I wonder how Ken will take it , thought Dorothy. I have to write; I cannot go on with this problem on my own. The only way is to meet Ken and talk with him. After all, it is his pigeon as well. I AM worried about Michael  and we are both his parents. If we get together over this , we may….who knows? At the very least there is a common burden whose alleviation will help our son ….and might help our relationship.

Late as usual, I thought. Just then, Dorothy came round the corner into the foyer. She seemed largely unchanged ; older of course and somewhat fuller in the figure. “Hello, Dorothy!  How are you ?

“Ken, glad you could make it. I am all right. It is Michael . He is seriously ill.”                                                                   

“What do you mean……ill?”

“Well , I think he is suffering from M.E. At least that is what the doctor says.”

Dorothy was genuinely worried. Her face bore the marks of strain. We went into the cafeteria and  bought a coffee so we could talk there.

“It has been going on now for about a year,” said Dorothy. “It seems to be getting worse. I thought you`d want to know. He may have to go into hospital.”

“So there will be  costs . Obviously we have got to decide what to do. I appreciate letting me know, but is Michael  still …anti….?

“Not as much as he once was. I think now he wants to see you. It may be that Michael`s illness has its roots in our  splitting up. “

I began to wonder how genuine my son`s illness was and  whether Dorothy was exaggerating it. I had always believed that M.E. was a psychosomatic thing anyway . After a moment`s pause, I asked: “Has Michael lost his job with the Civil Service? I presume he has not been working for some time now.”

“No. His job is still open but obviously they will not keep it going for ever.”

“He was doing so well there too,” I remarked.  

“Not only that but I have not been so well recently  - what with the worry over our son.  I may have to take early retirement, so with the loss of my income and  Michael`s eventually , things will be a bit difficult. I have been finding the teaching something of a strain – it is not what it used to be. “

I wonder if I am finding the right words thought Dorothy ; unspoken anxiety  is racing  through my  mind. I do not want to seem too obvious but this is a crisis and maybe if we confront  it together ….who knows? 

She continued. “Perhaps if Michael sees us both he will be reassured that the hatchet has been buried and this will be good for him.”

Obviously, Dorothy wanted some sort of reconciliation ; I was not so sure. We had both of us not remarried believing  in the maxim, once bitten,   twice shy. Of course there had been good days but the many quarrels over small things served only to remind me   that basically we were incompatible – or were then ; we were now five years older! Really there were not many things we had in common but our son was one of them. I could not – did not want to – shirk my responsibilities with regard to Michael.

“You say that Michael has lost some of his antagonism towards me? This did worry me and is one of the reasons why I have not been in touch. However we must do something.”

“When are you  going to see him, Ken? I am sure that he wants to talk with you . “

I could feel the pressure. All the old “faults” were coming to the fore again and the emotionalism I remembered so well was becoming evident. I felt I had to extricate myself from the situation without hurting Dorothy and at the same time indicating my willingness to help in the present circumstances. I felt my ex-wife was using the situation to manoeuvre me into some resumption of marital habitation , although to be fair, she had not exactly stated this. Perhaps we could make a go of it , I thought, more in compassion than in hope. Clearly Dorothy was willing to let bygones be bygones for now; but inevitably  the differences would arise in due course. However, these were special circumstances and maybe I should make special efforts.

“I will come and see Michael – I owe it to him and you must let me know of any financial matters tied in with his illness and hopefully his eventual restoration to good health.”

“That sounds rather distant , Ken. As if you were hoping to help at arm`s length. I thought…I hoped that you might ….”

I interrupted. I knew what she hoped but pretending to take her unspoken words otherwise. I dissimulated. 

I will keep in touch with him , Dorothy. I will talk to him and not show the neglect I have been guilty of so far. “

Of course these were not the words Dorothy wanted to hear. One look at the downcast face  told it all. I admit I was tempted , but in my heart of hearts, I knew I had to disappoint her. I could see that tears were not far from her eyes. I was not proud of myself but it was no use raising false hopes. I drank the non-existent dregs from the cup in my nervousness. Dorothy wiped her mouth on the paper serviette in an attempt to hide her expression. 

“So that is it, is it? “ asked Dorothy.

“Yes, I`ll be in touch very soon to make arrangements to see Michael. I hope between us we can do somerthing.”

“I am sure we can. See you soon.”

We both arose from the table and walked towards the door. At the exit we were to go different ways. We gave each other a perfunctory embrace.

“Thanks again for letting me know. See you.”

She walked quickly away and turned the corner.  

© A.B. Finlay Ph.D