MANNERS MAKETH MAN!

          I was in a meeting with some colleagues not long ago and there were three females present I had not met before. Naturally I wanted to know who they were, their names, the interests they represented, so I remarked to the Chairperson , “I don`t know these three ladies; can you tell me who they are, please?” Harmless enough you might think. But no, not a bit of it. All three chorused: “Women! We`re women”. Technically they were right, but it did no good for chivalry or public relations. 

          The concept of equality of the sexes in all things , I submit, has played a major role in the worsening of behaviour towards women.  Indeed, where all are equal , what need for good manners ? Women are treated rightly as equals  in the work place but it seems not so deserving of the special treatment they once were generally qaccorded. This could be a concomitant of strict sex equality.

Like hats, once universal, good manners seem largely to have disappeared, generally speaking.  The older generation in particular will have noticed the absence of both commodities : examples of them are harder to find nowadays. A recent survey in one of the national newspapers showed that people found less evidence  of good manners than of bad. Breakdown of traditional values , laissez-faire educational methods, poor parenting, were all seen as contributing factors.

Thus manners have declined along with a general lowering of respect for law, older people,  women. Consideration for others is often now taken as a sign of weakness. When was the last time someone offered you a seat in public? How recently did you see a piece of litter thrown down: Instances of bad manners are too numerous to itemise. Are you generally spoken to appropriate to your age and gender?

Unfortunately, it is commonplace to say anything goes these days and that nobody takes any notice. This is just an excuse for inconsiderateness; after all, manners are a code of “rules” that make for harmonious existence. They do have a purpose. Rightly, much of the old formality often  designed to remind people of their place in society , has gone. Modern observance of manners lays emphasis on equality not inferiority.

Manners and mores of course, have to evolve as society evolves. Looking at earlier writers such as Hardy, Bennett, Wodehouse,  one can see how relationships have changed , along with a mode of address that now strikes as quaint, but was just polite then. Dated books on etiquette illustrate much of what has been jettisoned   in the name of progress. Maybe the rot set in a long time ago, when we abandoned “thee” and “thou” and adopted the universal “you”  - no polite version,  as in most languages!

Nobody would welcome a return to the days of obsequious forelock touching or to the strictures of Mrs Beeton, but I do think we could do with a return to some of the old-world niceties. Good manners enable a man or woman to be a gentleman or gentlewoman. We cannot all, with Hamlet, be “to the manner born”, but it would undoubtedly be better if we all learned.!

© A.B. Finlay Ph.D